Open Letter to my Single Self



coffee talk, an open letter to all the single people out there

Dear single self, 

You're probably hating that Valentine's Day is approaching. All the hearts, pink paper, and abundant flowers only serve to remind you that you're still single. You dream about your happily ever after as you try not to get jealous about yet another Facebook relationship announcement and wedding pin. But as your heart aches, and part of you wonders what's wrong with you, let me tell you a few things that only wisdom and time can teach.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are not ugly or defective. This is a lie that Satan will tell you over and over until you let it sink into your heart. Unfortunately, he will continue to hammer this lie into your mind long after you have met and married The One. Don't let him morph this lie into a truth. It's hard to fight this lie, believe me, I know. Instead of focusing on and trying to figure out what's wrong with you, focus on the fact that God loves you unconditionally. He chose you, He honors you, and you are His favorite. Every time the lie that something is wrong with you comes to mind, choose to think about something else. Satan wants nothing more than you believing that something is wrong with you- don't give him this power over your life. 

You can't force it. I know that the mere idea of two people actually liking each other at the same time seems impossible to you. And you're right- if you try to force things, it is impossible. Closed doors hurt, but they are closed for a reason. They say that it will happen when you least expect it- as cliche as that is, it's true. So do your best and focus on everything else in your life. Pour yourself into school, into church, into relationships with friends. It will happen when it's meant to happen. 

Focus on the lesson. Remember that relationship that didn't work out? The one that you really hoped would? The one that hurt really bad? It broke your heart, made you question more than you should have, and is something that you had a hard time letting go. But more than the pain, remember what it taught you. You found a confidence in yourself that you didn't have before, and you gained a better understanding of what you really wanted in The One. Be thankful that things were left on good terms, and remember that doors are closed for a reason. Every relationship, every almost-relationship, and every relationship ended is a chance to learn and grow. Focus on the lesson and work to move on.

There are far better things to come. It doesn't matter how great that other person was- if it didn't work out, it wasn't supposed to because someone out there is far better for you. It's hard to imagine, I know, and you may not believe it until you see it. But hold onto hope that the best is yet to come- not only with your relationships but in your life in general. Enjoy the moment, but you can (and should) have hope for the future. 

Oh yeah, and this cheese Valentine's Day thing? Remember...

Valentine's Day is a bigger deal now that you're single than it will ever be when you find a significant other. It's fun to have a significant other on Valentine's Day, but ask any couple that's been together longer than two years and I bet they can't even tell you what they have planned for this Valentine's Day. Instead of sitting alone and sulking, get some friends together, some pizza and drinks, and throw on some movies. Enjoy yourself and use it as an excuse to have a night out with friends. Guaranteed, most of the dating/engaged/married couples you know won't be having as much fun as you will. 

Hang in there self, it'll happen. Be patient and focus on the things you can change and affect now. There is always hope for you- never ever forget that. 

Love,

23 comments :

  1. Maybe I'm just blocking it out, but I never remember feeling horribly sad about Valentine's Day. I maybe I always hoped a secret admirer would appear, but other than that I don't remember being one of those people who hated everything about it. I think getting together with friends is a great idea :) And you're right: Jordan and I have NO idea what we're doing for Valentine's Day! We actually already went on our V-Day date (post on Friday), so I think maybe we'll just stay in and order Chinese or something. Yum.

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  2. we're twins again! we both posted a letter to our single self! :)
    so so much truth in this post! :) you are a wise woman! "don't let him morph the lie into a truth" - this is so important!! if we believe lies for so long.. they eventually can become a sort of truth to us... like we believe them as the truth. it's so important to fight against it!
    "closed doors hurt... but they are closed for a reason" - this one is so hard to learn! and i am still learning it in other areas of life! but at the same time... it is hopeful - that something better is coming. that God is painting a masterpiece & right now we only see the beginning stages... but the finished thing? man, it's beautiful!

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  3. Chinese is always a good idea! :) ALWAYS!

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  4. This is so good!
    I love this part: "Nothing is wrong with you. You are not ugly or defective. This is a lie that Satan will tell you over and over until you let it sink into your heart. Unfortunately, he will continue to hammer this lie into your mind long after you have met and married The One. Don't let him morph this lie into a truth. It's hard to fight this lie, believe me, I know. Instead of focusing on and trying to figure out what's wrong with you, focus on the fact that God loves you unconditionally. He chose you, He honors you, and you are His favorite."

    That is so important to remember, because it is so easy to get caught up in all the lies that satan feeds us and to forget the most important truth that God loves us more than we will ever know and daily he is pursuing us. These are hard lessons to learn but I think that God is teaching us something with every "closed door".

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  5. I too am single this Vday, and it kind of sucks, but this letter is great and I'll be my own valentine this year.Great post.

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  6. It's so true that Valentine's Day when I was single was a much bigger deal than Valentine's Day is now that I'm married! I definitely wish I could go back and tell my single self that really, this holiday is not a big deal!

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  7. Right?? My friend and I were laughing about that very fact last week and it inspired me to write the letter. SO many things are a big deal when you're single that you hardly notice when you're taken haha

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  8. It does suck for sure but have fun with it- get yourself some movies and wine girl! :)

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  9. Definitely! Those closed doors are the hard lessons I feel like. Thanks for your sweet comment and for visiting! :)

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  10. You're totally right- closed doors apply to more than our love lives. And I love picturing God painting His masterpiece in our lives... I can't wait to see it at the end! :)

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  11. That's good you don't remember! Blocking it out is a totally effective coping mechanism. I too always hoped a secret admirer would appear and sweep me off my feet- no such luck. I agree with Robyn- Chinese is always a good idea mmmmm :) I work Valentine's Day and we might go to dinner sometime later. Might. Haha

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  12. So I had to dive into your post for three reasons asap:

    1. It was written by you.

    2. You--like me--mentioned in your comment that your present self needed to hear some of the same words.

    3. It was written to your single self.

    And I am SO glad I did. I have read A LOT of singleness-centered posts and a lot of them are, well, to be honest, not words that I want to hear. Your post, however, was EXACTLY what I needed (and I am so grateful you incorporated Valentine's Day into it!). I have moments and times when I question my beauty and it was this post that so sweetly reminded and re-centered me.


    "Don't let him morph this lie into a truth. It's hard to fight this lie, believe me, I know. Instead of focusing on and trying to figure out what's wrong with you, focus on the fact that God loves you unconditionally." <--Those words hit me and they hit me SO hard (in a good way!).



    Thank you for sharing your heart AND for linking up! :) Even though this was written to your past self, I reallllllly needed to read this letter!

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  13. Kiki I am SO glad these words were able to speak to you! :) It sounds like we maybe had/have similar single struggles- and as much we say that Valentine's Day is no biggie, sometimes it's just a little salt to the wound and makes things just a bit harder. You are beautiful, friend, and I hope you can really feel the love of Jesus this holiday and always :)

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  14. I would agree! I've learned more and more throughout the years that Valentine's Day (to me, at least) is more about loving others in everyday, little ways and NOT the romance and desires to be in a relationship. That's not to say that I didn't (and sometimes don't) think about those things--because I do! It's just been something I have to re-train my brain on. :)


    Thank you for filling my heart with truths and encouragement tonight!


    And I also have to say that I loved what you said about Valentine's Day being less of a deal when you're married. That is so encouraging/reassuring for me! :)

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  15. I love the line to "focus on the lesson." Especially because that is so hard to learn in the moment or during that season, but looking back it seems so much easier. I wish I could have heard these words when I was single! Beautifully written.

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  16. I think "focus on the lesson" can apply now that I'm married too- eventually the words will sink in (I hope!) Thanks for your sweet words :)

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  17. I'm so glad that part about Valentine's Day was reassuring- I didn't want it to come across as I was flippantly blowing it off and don't care about it because I do (and did when I was single). I pray yesterday was okay for you and now you can get candy 50% off wooo hoo! :)

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  18. It didn't come across that way at all! :) Thank you for the prayers, too. It was actually a really great Valentine's Day and compared to years past, it was one of the best (sweets definitely helped!. I hope you had a great one, too!

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  19. Yay that's great to hear! I was at work but it was a relatively calm day so I was thankful for that :) Have a great start to your week! :)

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  20. It's my first time here and it looks like I picked a great day to visit! Beautiful and true words here for single women, Sarah. So much growth has come out of my most recent failed relationship. God heals...but if He did it overnight, I'm not so sure I would come out as strong, as confident...as on fire for Jesus as I am right now. Blessings to you!

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  21. Laura, that is so inspiring to hear- that you are so on fire for God and have grown through your last relationship ending. Even though I'm married, stories like that really serve as a good reminder to me that God brings beauty from pain :) Thank you for stopping by, and for the beautiful words- blessings to you as well! :)

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  22. I really like the "don't force it" paragraph. That one really speaks to my former single self. What a great post! I absolutely love this - I'm picking it for my Tuesday Talk feature. Thanks for sharing! - Jess
    www.sweetlittleonesblog.com

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  23. Thanks Jess! I'm so glad you liked it, I'm excited you chose it for your feature! :)

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