Making Big Decisions: Letting People Speak Into Your Life


Anyway, I digress. Back in February I posted this picture on my Instagram and later alluded to some life changing conversations. That's because the day that picture was taken was the day that this lovely lady, one of my best friends, all but convinced me that I should go back to grad school. 

Now, it has been my dream to go back to graduate school and become a nurse practitioner since I was 15 years old. But with my hubby applying to physician assistant school and us continuing to live off of a single income, the time just didn't seem right. My dream had gone to the "someday" realm. My dear friend brought it back into the "maybe today realm". I don't think that conversation was an accident, nor was my reaction to it. 

You see, I think a huge part of life is letting others speak into our lives. Sometimes this is challenging when they're speaking to us about something we need to work on. Maybe it’s challenging because they're not doing it in love. Or maybe it’s challenging because it's just not something we want to hear at that moment. But I think our challenge is in paying attention to the words others speak to us because God speaks to us through others. 

Sometimes we don't always recognize it as God speaking through our friend, but this time it was so crystal clear that God was moving in my heart. After spending three hours talking about going back to graduate school, I went home feeling energized and excited- something I hadn't felt in months. I no longer dreaded going to work; instead I looked forward to it because I saw it as an opportunity to keep learning as much as I could. At work I started to explore as much as I could- reading doctors' notes of my patients and googling words I didn't know, and seeking out opportunities to listen to a heart murmur or other abnormalities. I'm not saying that every time you feel excited about something, that it's from God. But I do think that passion and energy can be signs of the Holy Spirit. 

Even though I felt excited and passionate after our conversation, I continued to pray about what we had talked about. Just because someone speaks into your life, doesn't mean that it's automatically from God. Therefore, we always have to pray for discernment when the Lord speaks to us through others. In this situation, the more I prayed, the more peace I felt. Throughout my life, I know that my spirit will sense peace when it's the way of the Lord. I've always been pretty receptive when things don't feel right, and the peace is almost always overwhelming when I know I am following God's will. That's not to say that I don't have doubts (that's the post coming up next), but I believe that the Lord grants peace when you are in His will. 

So, what are the take home points from our first lesson in decision making? 

Listen to those speaking into your life, because often that can be God's way of reaching you. 

Pray for discernment in your conversations with others. 

Be attentive to your spirit- passion, peace, and energy are all things of God and can often indicate the will of our Father. 

Please don't take this post as one that is saying "do whatever feels right". There is so much more to decision making than what you feel, and I hope that through this series you've come to understand that. But do pay attention to your spirit because often the Holy Spirit does move through emotions. Listening to others that you trust and praying for discernment regarding these conversations can play a huge role in helping you make big decisions. 


Do you find it hard to listen to others speaking into your life? Do you have a hard time trusting your feelings when it comes to making decisions?

Miss earlier posts in the series? Go ahead and check them out: 
Making Big Decisions 101
Four Practical Steps to Wisdom
3 Questions to Ask Yourself
Overcoming Doubt
Examining Your Motives

Making Big Decisions: Examining Your Motives


One of the big fears and things I prayed about from the beginning of my journey to graduate school was for pure motives. I have wanted to become a nurse practitioner since I was 15. I wrote all my college and scholarship essays about it during my senior year of high school. During college as I interviewed for more scholarships, I remember having a hard time answering why I wanted to become a nurse because I had a much easier time articulating why I wanted to become a nurse practitioner. 

When I started applying for graduate school a year ago, I began to question if I was doing it for the right motives. Part of me has always been a little lot competitive, and I knew that I would potentially feel inferior if Alex had a graduate degree and I didn't (silly, I know). 

I love my job working as a bedside nurse that spends 12+ hours with the same patients... would I really like the NP role where I see patients for a 15 minute visit and that's it? 

I liked the idea of the salary that nurse practitioners make, but I had more than one coworker look me straight in the eye and tell me that if I was to go to NP school, don't do it for the money (several of them have friends that are making less as a nurse practitioner than they did as a nurse). 

All this to say, I really needed to question my motives. If I was going to spend the next three years and a nice chunk of money pursuing my dream, I wanted to do it for more than a name and a paycheck. 

From the very beginning my prayer has always been (and continues to be): 

"Grant me purity of heart [Lord], so that I may honor You." - Psalm 86:11

One of my favorite songs ever is "Create in Me a Clean Heart" by Keith Green. I often sing this song during my prayer time in the mornings because I long for a pure heart in everything I do, whether it involves my marriage, my work, or my relationships.

In every big decision there are underlying motives. Whether it's a job change, a decision to go back to school, or the decision to start a family, there are reasons you either do or do not want to pursue a certain avenue.

I think it's important to examine ourselves in these situations and ask why we want to do the things we want to do.

Do we want to go back to school because we're bored with our current situation and/or want to keep up with the Jones' (or my own husband in my case)?

Are we looking at moving solely because of money, without examining the toll it might take on our family?

Are we looking to start a family because everyone else is and I want to be part of the "mom club"?

Now hear me out, none of the motives I've mentioned are inherently wrong. But I think in any big decision, taking a closer look at our motives is always worth it. Perhaps it's not the graduate degree or the baby you want... perhaps you're trying to find contentment in something other than Jesus (been there, done that friends). Maybe you're equating the idea of more money at a new job with more happiness (we and the million studies that have been done on this know that this isn't true).

So what can we do about it?

Well the first step is to pray for a clean heart and pure motives. It seems like a vague concept, but just like asking the Lord for wisdom (LINK), I truly believe that God will reveal to us impure motives if we let him. No matter how many people I talk to, blogs I read, or podcasts I listen to, the biggest revelations of my heart always come through prayer. And from personal experience, those revelations are usually the icky things that the Lord brings to mind that I try to ignore. Being receptive to those promptings can go a long way into teaching you more about the state of your heart.

Next, we can seek godly counsel. As always, talking through your situation with someone who loves you, loves Jesus, and has your best interests at heart can prove to be invaluable. Often they can see things in us that we ourselves can't see. In a joint decision (one between you and your spouse), I find it helpful to seek godly counsel from someone that isn't my husband. He provides wisdom a lot of the times, but sometimes his proximity to the situation allows him to be blind to certain things as well.

Ultimately, give the Lord control over your heart and your situation. This sounds trite, but what I mean by it is be brave enough to ask the Lord to close doors that need to be closed and open doors that need to be open. I've prayed that the Lord would place a stumbling block in my path if I lose track of my heavenly purpose and start focusing on earthly motives- it's a scary prayer to pray, but truly it's what we want right? We want our motives to be pure, and if we can't discern them then we want God to step in and nudge us to the way He has for us.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I prayed about graduate school, the Lord revealed some pretty ugly motives I had. I continued to pray and found the true reasons that I am motivated to go to school. I believe the Lord gave me the dream to become an NP when I was 15, but it was for reasons other than prestige and salary. It took a few months for me to truly set my heart and motives in the right place, but it was incredibly freeing when I finally got to that place.

Examining your motives is often hard and ugly. But ultimately, it's so worth it because not only will you be following the will of your creator, but you will be following His will with the right heart.


What are other ways that you have found to keep your motives in check? 

{If you missed earlier posts in this series, be sure to check out Making Big Decisions 101, 4 Practical Steps to Wisdom, 3 Questions to Ask Yourself, and Overcoming Doubt .} 

post signature

Making Big Decisions: Overcoming Doubt


As I've made big decisions over the past year, I have learned that despite prayer, asking for wisdom, and seeking godly counsel, I still struggle with a fair amount of doubt . I think doubt and its partner, fear, is the enemy's way of trying to lead us away from all the great things God has planned for us. 

From the moment I decided I would pursue graduate school, through the application process, and during the time I was praying about accepting the position offered to me by my university, I had my doubts. The what-ifs seemed endless, and would sometimes keep me up at night. 

I wondered if I should be doing this because financially we didn't (and still don't) have all the answers. 

I wondered if I should be going through school instead of working and supporting Alex through his journey through graduate school. Would it be too taxing on our marriage? 

I wondered if spending the money and time on this degree would even be worth it if I decided to be a stay at home mom later in life. 

I even wondered if I had the wrong motives. Did I want to become a nurse practitioner simply because of the title, prestige, or the feeling that I was keeping up with Alex?

As if my own doubts weren't enough, I had to consider opinions of certain trusted friends. I had close friends tell me that going to school at the same time as Alex wasn't a wise idea, and had more than one coworker caution me against graduate school and the nurse practitioner field in general. My own doubts and the doubts that came through conversations with others were overwhelming at times. I felt frustrated with myself for doubting and with God for not making the answers clearer.

---------------------------------------------

So how do you overcome doubt?

Pray against Satan and his schemes. I firmly believe that large scale doubt that frustrates and overwhelms is part of Satan's plans to thwart God's plans in our lives.  I believe that small doubt is healthy and can often be the Holy Spirit's promptings in our lives. If your doubt is overwhelming you, pray first and foremost that Satan has no part in it. You want to be able to distinguish doubt from the enemy versus a healthy nudge from the Holy Spirit.

Focus on the truths of God. There are so many promises outlined in the Psalms and throughout the Bible that we must cling to in our day to day lives. The promise that I cling to when I'm making decisions is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I have to be careful with this promise- I need to make sure that I'm delighting in the Lord and not my desire

When I was doubting whether or not I should even chase my dream of becoming a nurse practitioner, I came back to this verse. I have dreamed of becoming a nurse practitioner for almost 10 years and I don't think that's an accident. If you have a dream that's deep in your heart, chances are it’s not an accident. I knew full well that the desire could be there yet the Lord would direct me to another path. I chose to shift my focus from my desire (becoming an NP) to delighting in Him. This meant that I made a conscious effort to praise Him- during my prayer time, in the car, as I spent time in nature. As I focused on Him, I began to have less doubt regarding my decision. I felt the reassurance that this dream was from the Lord, and this reassurance made all the difference in the world.

Seek godly counsel. As always, this is a vital part of making big decisions. It is so very important to get input and prayer from those that are wiser than you but we must also remember to take this counsel to the Lord. No matter how godly your person is, they are still human and can make mistakes. In my situation, I had sought godly counsel and the wisdom I got was conflicting. That meant that it was my responsibility to take this advice to the Lord. Even if the advice hadn't conflicted, it's always our responsibility to take counsel to the Lord and pray that He helps you discern it.

Don't forget your common sense. This is very important step in decision making and overcoming doubt, yet it's last for a reason. I'm a total pros/cons list-think everything through kind of gal, but practical thinking isn't where I stop. I look at the practical aspects then pray about it and then decide. I'm a head over heart person so this comes easy to me; if you're a heart over head person this may take some practice.

Recently I turned down a job offer that would have paid me more than my current position. But despite the pay raise, the hours and type of work didn't make much sense with my current situation. I wanted the job and could have prayed my way into it, but I knew that it was a bad idea. Once I accepted in my heart that the job was a bad idea, it became clear that the wise thing to do was decline the offer. I would be the first to say that God's way doesn't always fit common sense, but that doesn't mean we throw it out either. There's a place for both, and I just encourage you to think practically, pray about it, and then see where the Lord guides you.

---------------------------------------------------------------

From a practical side, I know that my doubt and fear regarding big decisions is much much worse when I'm tired, hungry, or upset. Make sure that when you're making big decisions you take care of yourself- eat enough, sleep enough, and take time to do something fun. This will give you a lot more clarity regarding the decision you need to make and will help eliminate doubt.


What are other ways that you overcome doubt? 

{If you missed earlier posts in this series check out Making Big Decisions 101, 4 Practical Steps to Wisdom, and 3 Questions to Ask Yourself}

post signature

Making Big Decisions: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself


I mentioned in my previous post that a lot of things I am discussing in this series come from the book "The Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst. The three questions I'm discussing today are probably the most practical piece of her book. 

When facing a big decision, how many of us feel paralyzed by the thought of needing to follow the will of God? I know I sure do. The thought of trying to dig around and find the Lord's will for my life is exhausting and fear-filled because... what if I don't hit the mark? What if I don't make the right decision? 

What if I told you that the will of God for your life could include a couple different paths and Jesus loves you so much that He's letting you choose? Many people may not agree with this logic, but hear me out. 

I think as women we can analyze something into the ground (#overthinking). I can convince myself for or against just about anything if you give me enough time. Sound familiar? This "analysis paralysis" as Lysa Terkeurst puts it can really be debilitating in our spiritual walk. Jesus never intended us to be so incredibly intent on following His will that it just freezes us in our steps. So that's where these three questions come in. 

When you're facing a big decision, ask yourself: 

1. Are you consistently spending time in God's Word? 

2. Are you applying the truths you read in God's Word to your daily life? 

3. Are you seeking godly counsel from those that know the specifics of your situation? 

If the answers to the above questions are "yes", then you need to trust that you will make the right decision. If the three answers are "yes" and you have a gut feeling about something, dare I say that that gut feeling is actually the Holy Spirit guiding you to a certain decision? Sometimes the Holy Spirit is leading you to something that you'd rather not do and you choose to ignore Him for a time (been there, done that). Or maybe the Holy Spirit is leading you to the answer you want but you're afraid that you're choosing it out of your own desire and not God's. 

I think Lysa says it best when she writes: 

"If you desire to please God with the decision you make and afterward it proves to be a mistake it's an error not an end." 

How many of us know that God often teaches us more through our errors than through our successes? And it may be trite but it's 100% true: "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

Sister, that's you. God's plan for your life is not dependent on your decision making capabilities. He uses absolutely everything to work together for His ultimate plan. He knows and expects us to make mistakes. That's not to say that we shouldn't try to make wise decisions, but we shouldn't feel so pressured to make the "right" choice every single time. God uses all of our decisions for His good, and He generously may give us more than one choice that would glorify Him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was praying about graduate school, I felt an incredible pressure to make the "right" decision. I struggled with trying to decide between pursing the dream I've had for 10 years and the desire to possibly be a stay at home mom when I have kids. I was paralyzed with fear thinking that I could potentially waste three years of my life and buckets of money on a degree that I may not use five years from now. But when I realized that perhaps God's will for me included roles as a nurse practitioner and a stay at home mom, I felt like a million pounds lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt the pressure of making the absolute "right" decision for my future, because I knew that God would use whatever I decided (potentially both) for His glory. 

Friends, I hope you realize that God does not intend for us to be paralyzed in discerning His will. He gives us wisdom and discernment to follow His will without needing to send us a neon sign from heaven every single time we are faced with a choice. The Holy Spirit often comes in the form of gut feelings or a sense of peace. The Lord may set before us two paths that are inline with His will, and loves us enough to give us the freedom to choose. 

Realizing these things and using the questions above as a guide will free you from your fear. You may still have doubts (which I'll talk about in the next blog post), but don't let yourself be paralyzed. 

How do you go about making big decisions? Do you think God's will for us may include more than one thing? Do you think the questions above will help you in your decision making process? 

{If you missed it the first two posts in this series, check out Making Big Decisions 101 and Making Big Decisions: 4 Practical Steps to Wisdom}   



post signature

Making Big Decisions: 4 Practical Steps to Wisdom


If you missed the first post in this series, I hope you'll go back and get a little introduction to what we'll be talking about for the next month. 

About a year ago, a friend mentioned to me the book, "The Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst. I had heard of it and decided to put myself on the wait list at the library so I could read it. A few months later when it was my turn to get it at the library, I read it and my life was changed. I don't say that lightly at all, but I can tell you that it is the single most influential book I've read in years. I am so thankful that I read this before I entered this season of decision making, and a lot of the concepts I'm going to talk about in this series comes from her book. I make no money off of promoting this book, I just can't tell you how much it's helped me learn to make decisions. The last thing I'll say about it is GO BUY THIS BOOK NOW.

-------------

Great, now that we have that cleared up we're going to talk about this thing called wisdom because, after all, it’s what you need to make good decisions, right? My mom likes to say that there are two things that take time and cannot be sped up: grief and wisdom. I think there is so much wisdom to be gained simply by living life and making mistakes. But I also know that God will give me wisdom for it if I ask for it (James 1:5), so I ask for it all the time!

I know that I can gain wisdom a few ways:

1. Asking for it (James 1:5)
2. Fearing the Lord (Proverbs 15:33)
3. Seeking/listening to wise counsel (Proverbs 19:20)
4. Life experience

Gaining wisdom does not come overnight, and often we may not realize that we are becoming wiser. I don't know about you but I don't go around thinking, "Wow what I just said is really wise!" That's the hard part- we have to trust that we are gaining in wisdom even when we don't feel like it. By continuing to grow in wisdom and understanding, we will be able to make the decisions the Lord has placed before us. Seeking and growing in wisdom is the ultimate foundation for making big decisions, so lets make praying for that our priority today. Next up, we'll be talking about 3 practical steps for actually making the decision.


How do you seek wisdom? Do you ever get the reassurance that you're growing in wisdom even if you may not see it?

post signature

Making Big Decisions 101


I’m going to be doing a February series called Making Big Decisions. 2015 was a year of really big decisions for my husband and I as we both prayed about graduate school, applied all over the country, and had to decide on our respective schools. In having to make what felt like one big decision after another, I feel like we learned a ton of things along the way. The Making Big Decisions series is a 6-part series covering everything from overcoming doubt to attaining wisdom. Whether you’re facing a major life decision or struggle with day-to-day decisions, I hope that there will be something you’ll gain from this series.

Throughout my Making Big Decision series you’ll start to see a pattern of things I suggest. Things like praying about it and seeking wisdom are two of the themes that are repeated over and over. If you’re anything like I am, these two ideas can be a little vague. I’m the kind of person who wants to leave every sermon with a series of bullet points instructing me how to implement the lesson I just learned. The more I grow in my faith and progress in life, I'm learning that the ways to wisdom and knowledge aren't necessarily a nice numbered list (believe me, I'm as bummed as you are).  

The past year I’ve realized that making big decisions often comes down to seeking wisdom and a lot of prayer. This intro post is to share some ideas that I’ve learned along the way of how to go about these two concepts that often seem really vague.  

Pray about it. Okay this is such an easy phrase to fling around but let's be honest, it's hard.to.do. My prayer life is growing and changing every single day and I really struggle some a lot of the time. I have a short attention span and find my mind wandering after just a few minutes of prayer. 

Think about when you feel most connected to God- I'll bet that for most of us that isn't necessarily during our morning quiet time. Many times I feel more connected to God when I'm driving or holding a baby at work than I do sitting with my Bible on my lap holding my morning coffee. 

Get rid of the notion that prayer is to be done with hands neatly folded, on your knees, and done in hour long marathons. God calls us to pray without ceasing, but also calls us to be lights to the world and that means that prayer-on-the-go is not a bad thing. Figure out when you feel like you are most connected to that and capitalize on that time. Even if it's just "Hi God, thank you for that beautiful sunrise." I find the more I involve God in day to day moments, the easier prayer comes, and the easier I'm able to hear Him speak. 

When it comes to praying about big decisions, I usually do try to carve out a specific time to sit and pray about it. A lot of times it works better if I pray on a walk, a run, or while folding laundry. Doing something active helps me get a lot less distracted. 

When it comes to big decisions, it can be hard to know how to pray. 

God doesn't want to simply hear what we think he wants to hear, or some pase like "Your will be done Lord." He wants to hear how much you don't want to move, or how much you want that job, or how you don't know how to deal with certain relationships in your life. You can pour out your heart to Him- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Friend, He knows it all anyway so don't hold back

More than once, I've been so overwhelmed or frustrated that I don't even know what to pray. In those moments I read/pray one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible: 

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." - Romans 8:26

How awesome is it that even when we don't know how to pray, all we need to do is ask the Holy Spirit to pray for us and He will? I will read this verse over and over and simply say, "Lord I don't know how to pray. Holy Spirit come."

Prayer is a practice and it just takes simple day to day moments like grace before meals or thanking Him for that delicious coffee. So when I mention in this series to "pray about it" or "take it to the Lord", all I mean is to go and talk with Jesus. Explain to Him how you're feeling, what you're concerned about, what you're excited about. He will meet you where you're at. I promise.

Seek wise/godly counsel. In non-christianese terms this means to seek out advice/opinions from you trust. 

Now if you're like me in many stages of my life, you're thinking "Um yeah sure that's a great idea Sarah... if I had someone I could ask." I've been there sister. I grew up in a town where I felt like I was the only Christian under the age of 30 and it felt very isolating. In this situation, I would tell you pray (there's that prayer thing again!) and ask for someone to be brought into your life. Seriously though, I've prayed (cried actually) for the Lord to bring a wise woman into my life and He has done it... more than once. I will say that it took awhile at one point (like a few years) which isn't the best when you're trying to seek godly counsel now. If that is your situation, then continue to pray for someone you can go to. If the Lord doesn't reveal anyone to you don't despair. Continue to go to Him with all your requests and trust that He will guide you; after all, His counsel is better than the counsel of the godliest 1000 men or women on this earth. 

If you do have a person (or two) in mind, a few things to consider. Just because someone is your friend doesn't necessarily mean that you should go to them for godly counsel. In fact, I've found that my most trusted "advisors" in life have been several years older than me and not necessarily my best friend that I invite over for movie night. 

Some qualities that I've prayed for in a godly mentor/advisor/counselor are: 
-Someone older than me. I think life experience is absolutely invaluable, and I believe that certain wisdom is only gained by living life. (This isn't something set in stone, but I value age so much that for me it is a non-negotiable).

-A Jesus lover. I want someone who is seeking the Lord daily to be the one I go to for counsel (this constitutes the "godly" part of "godly counsel").

-Someone I get along with. This seems sort of ridiculous, but lets be honest. Are you going to take advice from someone that you don't even really like? I've been there done that; it didn't go well. 

-Same gender (I think this is non-negotiable. Seems like that should go without saying, but you'd be surprised.) 

I think parents can give great godly counsel (I mean 50+ years of Jesus seeking- how great is that??) But I also think in certain situations parents can be biased in their counsel. I've found that it often helps to have someone that is not related to me give counsel. If you're in the situation I mentioned above where you don't have someone in your life that you can go to for godly counsel, then by all means ask your parents! But I would encourage you to seek someone else that is not a relative to impart their wisdom. 

When I mention later in the series to "seek godly counsel", what I mean is go to the person you've identified and ask for their wisdom. Sometimes I will tell them the specifics of my situation and ask what they think (basically asking for advice). Sometimes I won't share specifics and instead simply ask them for prayer. If you do receive advice from them, always always always take it to the Lord in prayer. The person in your life, no matter how godly, is still human and they can and will make mistakes. Just because they say it, doesn't necessarily mean that it's right. So remember to always pray and be discerning about the counsel you receive. 

---------------------------------------------------------

You will see pray about it and seek godly counsel over and over in this series. I hope the above helps give you some practicality behind what I'm talking about and I hope you'll refer back to this post as much as you need to as you seek the Lord's guidance in making big decisions. 


Tell me about your prayer life. What things have worked for you? What hasn't? What parts of prayer do you struggle with? 

post signature

A {Long Overdue} Coffee Date


Let's go for a coffee date shall we? It has been wayyyy too long. We'd meet a cute little coffee shop that's warm enough inside that we don't have to wear jackets (don't you hate that??) I would explain to you that Alex and I are in the middle of doing our first round of Whole30 and how what I miss the most is coffee with creamer. I sadly order a cup of tea and we settle into some big comfy arm chairs. 

It's been a long time since we've seen each other so we sort of chit chat about small things first just to ease into things but then get to the deep stuff. The important stuff. You knew that when I announced to the world that I was going back to graduate school to chase my dream of becoming a family nurse practitioner that things would be different. I knew it too. I used to have four days off from work to blog, meet with friends, and relax. Now those days would be filled with schoolwork. Having finished with my first quarter, I can say that school is going well and I am right where I'm supposed to be. I'm so thankful I chose to go back to school now and sometimes I just can't believe that I'm so close to achieving my dream! 

But besides school, there has been a lot of stuff going on. Big. Important. Life Decisions. You probably wondered what was going on when I posted this and this picture on Instagram. Well, friend we were in the middle of some pretty big decisions. 

I'll go onto explain that Alex had interviewed for several physician assistant (PA) schools in the summer and fall. I'll remind you that this was his second time applying and that we've been waiting for this moment for 2 years. I'll tell you how blessed we feel that he got offered an interview at every single school he applied to... after the rejection he felt when he applied 2 years ago and heard nothing from a single school, this was huge confirmation that Alex is following the will of the Lord in pursuing a career as a PA. 

We found out in August that he was accepted to a school in New Mexico. I cried. You know me, I'm not a big crier and I cried on the spot. Two years and we had made it. My tears were tears of joy. We found out about a month later that he was on the wait list for two Arizona schools that were our top two overall choices. We spent about 6 weeks waiting, with Alex calling every few weeks to see if his status had changed. 

And then. He was offered an interview at University of Colorado- the university 20 minutes from our current apartment and literally a short walk from the hospital where I work. He just so happened to have the day off of work for when the interview was scheduled. If he hadn't had the day off, I'm not sure he would have even interviewed. At this point, it was his fifth PA school interview and he felt pretty comfortable going into it. After it ended Alex told me that he thought it went alright and that they would let him know about admission in a few weeks. 

The very next day I was sitting on the couch doing homework when he walked in from work and said, "Guess what?" I asked if he had heard from one of the Arizona schools. He said "No, CU just called me and offered me a spot in their program." We both just sat stunned. A school neither of us thought he would even get into (they accept 40 students out of 1600 applications) had just called and offered him a seat less than 24 hours after he interviewed. We had a week to decide if he was going to accept the spot and pay a substantial deposit. 

Now you're way better than me at picking up on certain signals (that's a downside of being loud like me), and you'll notice that I tell this story with a little bit of a strained tone. That's because this was all a shock to both Alex and I's system. It was such a mix of emotions- I was so stinking proud and excited that he got into such a competitive school. But we were shocked and since we're being vulnerable, I'll admit to you that I also felt a little disappointed (don't ever think I'm the perfect wife). 

Before you think I'm crazy, let me explain. You see, we had sort of written off CU in our minds. We thought for sure we would be moving- and we were really excited about it! All we had talked about and dreamed about for the past two years, was applying for PA school and starting an adventure in a different state. The thought of staying here barely crossed our minds. I've never lived anywhere besides Colorado, so I was extra excited at the thought of moving somewhere new. In my head, I had moved on from my job, our church, our apartment, and our entire life in Colorado (probably a bad move on my part). 

So, all of a sudden we were faced with a big decision that looked nothing like the one we thought we were going to make. The CU program is 3 years long (most are only 2), so we sat down and crunched numbers to see the expense difference. We made pros and cons lists (the cons list was a lot longer), but most importantly we prayed about it. We talked about with our families, talked about it with each other, and prayed for a week about the decision. 

After a week, we had decided and my stomach sunk. You know what it's like when you know that something is the right decision but you don't really like that choice so you refuse to accept it for a little while? This is how this decision went for me. I knew that CU was the right choice way before I truly accepted it. We had prayed for months (since he began applying back in March) that the Lord would make our decision clear. And He did. 

We still hadn't heard from the two schools in Arizona that wait listed him, and his only other official offer was in New Mexico. Practically speaking, the New Mexico school was $30,000 more expensive and ranked 80th or so in the country. CU was $30,000 cheaper and ranks 5th in the nation. From those numbers alone, the choice should be obvious right? The finances played a huge part in our decision because we seek to honor God with our money, but after prayer and seeking wise counsel we knew CU was where Alex was supposed to be in PA school. 

At this point, you're probably not sure what to say. Do you say congratulations because you know how long of a journey its been, or do you stay quiet because you see the disappointment on my face? 

But then I jump in and tell you what I'm learning from all of this. First of all, I think that moving to another state was just my way of fixing my discontentment that I felt/feel at my job and in our current apartment. I pray for contentment on a daily basis, but boy it's sure harder when God doesn't listen to my idea of how I would be content! 

Second, I think there's so much to be learned in trusting in a plan that is completely opposite of what you had planned. It's so hard, even when it's a good plan! 

Third, it's been a tough lesson in surrender. How many times am I in church and sing "I surrender all"? This situation has forced that surrender. I had already chosen my new city, my new job, and practically my new apartment. But then God reeled me back in and reminded me that I need to surrender to His plan, which for now means staying in Denver. 

It's hard. You can see that written all over my face. We decided on CU in early November, it's January and it's still a daily struggle. I find myself wishing for a house and anxious about how we're going to afford the next few years all in the same minute. I've agonized over changing jobs or staying where I'm at. The walls of our 600 square foot apartment seem to close in some days, and I find my heart screaming for anything that has more than one window in the whole place. 

But. I'm getting there. God's working on me, on us. We've been plugging into a new church that we're excited about, and we realize that there are so many good things about staying in Denver. We don't have to move, I don't have to stress about making new friends while I'm in school, I'm hoping finding clinical placements for myself will go a little smoother because I know some people, and we've been able to really deepen the friendships that have been forming over the last couple of years in Denver. And before I forget, I just have to tell you how darn proud I am of my husband. He went to radiology school for two years just to increase his odds of getting into PA school. He worked hard in school for two years following college, he's working hard now to save up money for tuition, and through it all he serves God and serves me every.single.day. I am so proud of him, and so thankful that I get to be his wife. 

Acceptance into CU has been a sweet, enormous blessing from the Lord and we are so grateful. You know I mean that and you also know that sometimes it just takes my heart a little while to catch up to my head. 

When I look at the people I admire the most, I know that they were forced into circumstances that were the last thing they would have ever chosen for themselves. Beauty comes through struggle, and for me that is finding peace in a restless heart. It sounds cliche, but I know these lessons are what will make me into one of the people I admire. The lessons are hard and they require perseverance, a continual battle of the mind, and a constant search for grace and gratitude. 

We're so excited about the adventure of graduate school together and we've both vowed to not just let these next three years pass us by in a fog of textbooks, exams, and clinicals. We want to be intentional with our time, and make the most of our being here for the next three years. 

Whew, that was a lot. I'll thank you for patiently listening and I'll apologize for talking so much. You'll laugh and say it's okay because you know that I'm just like that. 

You'll jump in and start telling me about your significant other, your kids, and your job. You know that I'll spend as long as I need to listening to you, and I do.We'll laugh and wonder how all of a sudden we're grown-ups and how high school felt like yesterday. You'll probably offer some encouragement in my time of finding contentment, and your words will go with me way past our coffee hour. Hours later, our coffee is long gone, we look at the clock realizing that we should probably get home. We hug and promise to do it again soon. 

post signature

2016: Intentional Life


On January 1, 2015 I wrote this in my first blog post of the year:
"This year, I will fight against the excuses and the heart of waiting that so easily turns into the heart of postponing."
As I read it again this year doing my 2015 recap post, it struck a chord with me. I have shared on here that Alex and I are/were in a season of waiting. He was in school for radiology, but his ultimate goal was to get into physician assistant school. That was a 2+ year wait, and we can officially say that that wait is over. Alex got into PA school and officially accepted a seat (more about that during my next blog post- a little coffee date catch up). He'll be starting in June and I'm in my second semester of nurse practitioner school. 

Now that we're here, I've felt in my heart that now we're just waiting until we're both finished with school (our year of liberation is 2019, people!) I don't know about you, but I don't want to always be in a phase of waiting

How many sermons do we hear about waiting on the Lord or waiting for the right time? How often do we read about people that are in a waiting season? Don't get me wrong- I think there is such value to seasons in which the Lord makes us wait; I've seen it in my own life. But I also think that it's easy to get caught in this cycle of always waiting for something or another. And I don't think that's what the Lord has for us. 

I think that by waiting, we can miss a lot of the now. I've done this and still probably do it. How many things do you push off until you're married, or until you have a house, or until you have kids, or until you finish school? Of course there are certainly wise things to postpone during certain times of life, but I think this idea of waiting can quickly become a spirit of postponing. So that brings me to our word of the year. Alex and I prayed separately about this word and (not-coincidentally) came up with the same idea/word. 
INTENTIONAL 
We both feel like it's time to stop waiting for the next milestone to live. We're both in school and will be for the next few years, but we don't want to wait until we're finished to create community, give generously, or get involved in our community. It may be more challenging because of time and money constraints, but we refuse to put our lives on hold until Alex graduates in 2019. The idea that I had prayed about was life NOW. Alex put it more eloquently when the word brought to his heart was intentional. 

We want 2016 to be a year of intentionality- in our relationships, in our finances, and in our community. The verse we've chosen for this year is John 10:10...
"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may HAVE LIFE and that they may have it more ABUNDANTLY. " (John 10:10, NKJV)

When Jesus said these words, I don't think He meant that we will have life abundantly only if we're married, or only if we're in a house or finished with school. I think He wanted us to know that He came for us so that we may have an abundant life now. Not in 5 years or when that certain thing happens, but now. 

So our challenge for ourselves in 2016 is to live life abundantly now. No more waiting, because that will be the rest of our life. We embrace this year as a year to build community, build relationships, and do well in our school and work. It all seems sort of vague to us now, but just like the Lord brought us opportunities to be generous last year, I think He'll show us what it means to live in the moment instead of always waiting. I pray the exact prayer that I prayed last year: That Alex and I will fight against the excuses and the heart of waiting that so easily turns into the heart of postponing. We pray that the Lord guides Alex and I to opportunities requiring intentional living, the wisdom to hear His direction, and the courage to follow the call.

What's your word or intention for 2016?? I would love to hear about it!

post signature

A Generous Home: 2015 Recap



Happy New Year friends! We're already well into January and I'm just now getting around to posting new year's type things. If you've hung around here for much time at all, you'll know that my posting has gone from less frequent to practically non-existent. I will blame grad school for it, because now all my days off are spent doing school work. Last quarter I was in two classes and now I'm in three so it only gets harder from here on out. My goal is still to post once a month but no promises. 

At the end of 2015 I spent some time reflecting on our word of the year: generosity. I LOVED the word and the challenge it brought with it. Below are some of my reflections on how we lived that word out. They're not intended as a brag but rather to give you ideas on how to extend generosity to those around you. The pieces highlighted in yellow are from my original post that was published on January 1, 2015 outlining what my heart was for the year. 


Generosity with Money 
I've shared my struggle in not letting money control me, and I think my challenge will be trusting in the Lord's provision as we strive to be generous financially. This continues to be a struggle for me but at the same time the Lord has brought me SO far in this aspect of my life! It was so fun to be able to give to several organizations that were near and dear to our hearts, and faithfully tithe at church. It's sometimes hard to look at the budget and see the money that we're giving away and think of what we could be spending it on (i.e. tuition). This next year Alex and I will both be in school full-time and at some point I may need to drop down from full-time work. This will be incredibly challenging as we navigate how to be stewards of our money and continue to faithfully give.

Generosity with Time and Home 
I want to be generous in my home by opening my doors to friends and strangers alike. I want to serve others food and show love at my dinner table share community around our couches. In 2015 we had many friend groups over and a big family gathering over. We really tried not to let our small space stop us from inviting people in. Game nights, Bronco games, and dinners were some of the sweetest memories of 2015 and I'm excited to see what 2016 holds. 

Generosity Out the Front Door 
I want the generosity to extend outside of my front door. In my original post I mentioned bringing soup to the homeless that stand on a corner near our home. I'm sorry to say that that never happened. But in 2015 generosity outside our front door meant knocking on our neighbor's door and offering to bring them dinner because they just had a new baby. It meant introducing ourselves to another neighbor that was new and bringing him cookies. Small things, yes, but at the same challenging and out of my comfort zone. 

This year, I will fight against the excuses and the heart of waiting that so easily turns into the heart of postponing. I read that line from last year's post and it still strikes me deep down in the heart. I do believe that 2015 was successful in terms of our goal to be generous with our time, home, and money. 

Just because it's 2016 doesn't mean that we're giving generosity the boot. Generosity will always be one of our goals. This year it may be the most challenging as we start paying tuition for the both of us and drop down to a single income again. But God. We know He's got us. And we pray that our hearts and homes stay generous even when the numbers don't make sense. 

How did your word of the year for 2015 turn out?? I would love to hear about it! 

post signature
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
UA-54475585-1