A {Long Overdue} Coffee Date

Let's go for a coffee date shall we? It has been wayyyy too long. We'd meet a cute little coffee shop that's warm enough inside that we don't have to wear jackets (don't you hate that??) I would explain to you that Alex and I are in the middle of doing our first round of Whole30 and how what I miss the most is coffee with creamer. I sadly order a cup of tea and we settle into some big comfy arm chairs. 

It's been a long time since we've seen each other so we sort of chit chat about small things first just to ease into things but then get to the deep stuff. The important stuff. You knew that when I announced to the world that I was going back to graduate school to chase my dream of becoming a family nurse practitioner that things would be different. I knew it too. I used to have four days off from work to blog, meet with friends, and relax. Now those days would be filled with schoolwork. Having finished with my first quarter, I can say that school is going well and I am right where I'm supposed to be. I'm so thankful I chose to go back to school now and sometimes I just can't believe that I'm so close to achieving my dream! 

But besides school, there has been a lot of stuff going on. Big. Important. Life Decisions. You probably wondered what was going on when I posted this and this picture on Instagram. Well, friend we were in the middle of some pretty big decisions. 

I'll go onto explain that Alex had interviewed for several physician assistant (PA) schools in the summer and fall. I'll remind you that this was his second time applying and that we've been waiting for this moment for 2 years. I'll tell you how blessed we feel that he got offered an interview at every single school he applied to... after the rejection he felt when he applied 2 years ago and heard nothing from a single school, this was huge confirmation that Alex is following the will of the Lord in pursuing a career as a PA. 

We found out in August that he was accepted to a school in New Mexico. I cried. You know me, I'm not a big crier and I cried on the spot. Two years and we had made it. My tears were tears of joy. We found out about a month later that he was on the wait list for two Arizona schools that were our top two overall choices. We spent about 6 weeks waiting, with Alex calling every few weeks to see if his status had changed. 

And then. He was offered an interview at University of Colorado- the university 20 minutes from our current apartment and literally a short walk from the hospital where I work. He just so happened to have the day off of work for when the interview was scheduled. If he hadn't had the day off, I'm not sure he would have even interviewed. At this point, it was his fifth PA school interview and he felt pretty comfortable going into it. After it ended Alex told me that he thought it went alright and that they would let him know about admission in a few weeks. 

The very next day I was sitting on the couch doing homework when he walked in from work and said, "Guess what?" I asked if he had heard from one of the Arizona schools. He said "No, CU just called me and offered me a spot in their program." We both just sat stunned. A school neither of us thought he would even get into (they accept 40 students out of 1600 applications) had just called and offered him a seat less than 24 hours after he interviewed. We had a week to decide if he was going to accept the spot and pay a substantial deposit. 

Now you're way better than me at picking up on certain signals (that's a downside of being loud like me), and you'll notice that I tell this story with a little bit of a strained tone. That's because this was all a shock to both Alex and I's system. It was such a mix of emotions- I was so stinking proud and excited that he got into such a competitive school. But we were shocked and since we're being vulnerable, I'll admit to you that I also felt a little disappointed (don't ever think I'm the perfect wife). 

Before you think I'm crazy, let me explain. You see, we had sort of written off CU in our minds. We thought for sure we would be moving- and we were really excited about it! All we had talked about and dreamed about for the past two years, was applying for PA school and starting an adventure in a different state. The thought of staying here barely crossed our minds. I've never lived anywhere besides Colorado, so I was extra excited at the thought of moving somewhere new. In my head, I had moved on from my job, our church, our apartment, and our entire life in Colorado (probably a bad move on my part). 

So, all of a sudden we were faced with a big decision that looked nothing like the one we thought we were going to make. The CU program is 3 years long (most are only 2), so we sat down and crunched numbers to see the expense difference. We made pros and cons lists (the cons list was a lot longer), but most importantly we prayed about it. We talked about with our families, talked about it with each other, and prayed for a week about the decision. 

After a week, we had decided and my stomach sunk. You know what it's like when you know that something is the right decision but you don't really like that choice so you refuse to accept it for a little while? This is how this decision went for me. I knew that CU was the right choice way before I truly accepted it. We had prayed for months (since he began applying back in March) that the Lord would make our decision clear. And He did. 

We still hadn't heard from the two schools in Arizona that wait listed him, and his only other official offer was in New Mexico. Practically speaking, the New Mexico school was $30,000 more expensive and ranked 80th or so in the country. CU was $30,000 cheaper and ranks 5th in the nation. From those numbers alone, the choice should be obvious right? The finances played a huge part in our decision because we seek to honor God with our money, but after prayer and seeking wise counsel we knew CU was where Alex was supposed to be in PA school. 

At this point, you're probably not sure what to say. Do you say congratulations because you know how long of a journey its been, or do you stay quiet because you see the disappointment on my face? 

But then I jump in and tell you what I'm learning from all of this. First of all, I think that moving to another state was just my way of fixing my discontentment that I felt/feel at my job and in our current apartment. I pray for contentment on a daily basis, but boy it's sure harder when God doesn't listen to my idea of how I would be content! 

Second, I think there's so much to be learned in trusting in a plan that is completely opposite of what you had planned. It's so hard, even when it's a good plan! 

Third, it's been a tough lesson in surrender. How many times am I in church and sing "I surrender all"? This situation has forced that surrender. I had already chosen my new city, my new job, and practically my new apartment. But then God reeled me back in and reminded me that I need to surrender to His plan, which for now means staying in Denver. 

It's hard. You can see that written all over my face. We decided on CU in early November, it's January and it's still a daily struggle. I find myself wishing for a house and anxious about how we're going to afford the next few years all in the same minute. I've agonized over changing jobs or staying where I'm at. The walls of our 600 square foot apartment seem to close in some days, and I find my heart screaming for anything that has more than one window in the whole place. 

But. I'm getting there. God's working on me, on us. We've been plugging into a new church that we're excited about, and we realize that there are so many good things about staying in Denver. We don't have to move, I don't have to stress about making new friends while I'm in school, I'm hoping finding clinical placements for myself will go a little smoother because I know some people, and we've been able to really deepen the friendships that have been forming over the last couple of years in Denver. And before I forget, I just have to tell you how darn proud I am of my husband. He went to radiology school for two years just to increase his odds of getting into PA school. He worked hard in school for two years following college, he's working hard now to save up money for tuition, and through it all he serves God and serves me every.single.day. I am so proud of him, and so thankful that I get to be his wife. 

Acceptance into CU has been a sweet, enormous blessing from the Lord and we are so grateful. You know I mean that and you also know that sometimes it just takes my heart a little while to catch up to my head. 

When I look at the people I admire the most, I know that they were forced into circumstances that were the last thing they would have ever chosen for themselves. Beauty comes through struggle, and for me that is finding peace in a restless heart. It sounds cliche, but I know these lessons are what will make me into one of the people I admire. The lessons are hard and they require perseverance, a continual battle of the mind, and a constant search for grace and gratitude. 

We're so excited about the adventure of graduate school together and we've both vowed to not just let these next three years pass us by in a fog of textbooks, exams, and clinicals. We want to be intentional with our time, and make the most of our being here for the next three years. 

Whew, that was a lot. I'll thank you for patiently listening and I'll apologize for talking so much. You'll laugh and say it's okay because you know that I'm just like that. 

You'll jump in and start telling me about your significant other, your kids, and your job. You know that I'll spend as long as I need to listening to you, and I do.We'll laugh and wonder how all of a sudden we're grown-ups and how high school felt like yesterday. You'll probably offer some encouragement in my time of finding contentment, and your words will go with me way past our coffee hour. Hours later, our coffee is long gone, we look at the clock realizing that we should probably get home. We hug and promise to do it again soon. 

Summer 2015 Highlights

Is it just me or did this summer just fly by? I'm sort of shocked (and slightly depressed) that it's August already. It was also a pretty chilly and rainy summer for Colorado so that didn't help summer seem any longer. I'm sort of  really ready for a warmer climate than Colorado. Despite the rain and clouds, it was a great summer- highlights are below! 

MY BIRTHDAY!
I always considered my birthday (May 28th) to be the official start of summer for me. After spending the past couple years in a class for my nurse boards and then working, this year's simple birthday that launched me to my mid-twenties was so wonderful.

{#birthdayselfie}

HUSBAND GRADUATED 

After two years in school (AFTER his 4 years of undergraduate), the boy behind the blog graduated from his radiology technologist program. I'm proud of him and so excited that we're both out of school at the same time!

CAMPING

You can't really live in Colorado without camping in the summer. Well, you can, but it wouldn't actually be living. We did one trip with my family, one trip with our best couple friends, and I did a quick trip with a girl friend. 

Can I just say campfires are mountains are my jam? I wasn't a huge fan of how rainy our trips were, but the company was great, and I discovered THE.BEST.CAMPING.RECIPE.EVER. It's peach cobbler that you bake in a cast iron skillet over the fire- tell me that picture below doesn't just make you drool. 

ARIZONA

It's become a tradition with my husband's family to go to Phoenix each year to have a true vacation where you rest and rejuvenate. I read, ate In n Out, took naps, and played spades for an entire week. And it was glorious. If you've never taken a vacation just to relax, you're seriously missing out; try it sometime. 

I returned to Arizona in early August for my best friend's bridal shower and bachelorette party. My friend has lived in Tucson, AZ since 2009 and I had never been. So besides the wedding festivities, it was great to see where she had spent the last several years. 

WATER WORLD

We get season passes to our local water park and we made it well worth it this year. We had date days, brought friends, and most recently brought my brother and his girlfriend. 

FAMILY

All seasons are a time to be together, but summer gives us a little extra breathing room to gather with those we love. Alex being done with school meant that we had a lot more days off together. There's nothing I love more than being around family, and these past couple of months have given us time to be with them.

{Pictures from my brother and girlfriend's recent visit}

How about you? What have been some highlights of your summer? 

{Linking up with Kiki and all the wonderful people over at The Circle Link Up}

A Generous Home: Update on my Word of the Year

The very first post on my blog in 2015 explained how my word of the year was generosity. I wrote how I wanted to be generous in my finances, home, and time. I wanted to reflect on how this goal had gone so far, and share it here on the blog. This post is not in any way meant as a bragging post, but as a post that allows you all to keep me accountable over the next 6 months. 

So far in 2015, we've opened up our table to more friends and family than we did in 2014. We've had game nights with couple friends that have been so fun, and have housed 6 people (at once, not total) in our 600 square foot apartment. These times have been highlights of my year. I've always been one to take joy in knowing that there is no more room at my table and that every single sleeping space is being used. We've been able to tip waiters and waitresses more than the cost of our bill, and donate to a couple of charities near and dear to our hearts. I reiterate: these things have been so fun. But, they've also been comfortable. I know that things don't always have to be uncomfortable to be effective, but in my heart of hearts, when I wrote that post back in January, I wanted to be so generous that it would make me uncomfortable. 

To date, I have only done one thing that felt uncomfortable. After hearing a little baby's cry from our neighbor's apartment, I walked across the breezeway one night and knocked on the door and introduced myself. This was our first time meeting, and I asked if they had recently welcomed a bundle of joy (to which they said yes), and I proceeded to ask if I could bring them dinner one night (to which they agreed). This doesn't seem like a big deal now, but I was sweating buckets you guys. I was more nervous for that than I had been for anything in a really long time! What would they think of me? Would they think I was weird or trying to poison them? Or since we live in Colorado, did they think I was going to give them pot-laced brownies? I especially didn't want them to think that their baby was bothering us ( because he wasn't). All these things ran through my mind as I debated whether or not I should walk across the breezeway and introduce myself. Thankfully, my power thought of the week, was "do not fear", and because of this thought, I pushed my fear aside and knocked on their door. This act of generosity, though seriously uncomfortable,worked out beautifully as they enjoyed their homemade lasagna and banana bread, giving us a sweet thank you note a few weeks later. 

-------

In the next six months, I want generosity to push me out of my comfort zone. I recently read a book called "Bread and Wine" by Shauna Niequist that spoke directly to my heart. It talks about bringing people together over a meal, and the connections and life events that happen because of good food. She describes how early in her marriage, her and her husband's living room was full of people sitting on their floor sharing a meal off of paper plates while getting to know each other. 

This is my dream. I want my living room floor covered with friends, I want food spilled on my carpet because someone ran into someone else, and I want my sink full of dishes that aren't just mine and Alex's. But then the fear sets in... who would I invite? If I invite people who don't know each other will it be awkward? What if we decide to break out the board games and people don't like board games? What if conversation slows? What if people don't like the food? What if? 

Let these next six months be a period where I throw the "what ifs" out the window. I've let my fear stop me from being so uncomfortably generous. I really want to stop caring about what people think, and instead show them love. Show them good food, show them homely love, and create an environment where people feel like they can be real. 

In the next six months, I also need to be more generous with my time. It is so easy to throw money at something and feel good about it. It's much harder to spend precious days off waking up early to go serve at the soup kitchen, or come home early from camping to teach Sunday school. I have yet to stop and share a meal with the men I see begging on the corner, and have yet to start consistently volunteering somewhere. I've looked and thought about these things, but haven't taken action. Selfishness, greed, and busyness win over every time. I want these next six months to be a period of time where I slow down, take time to buy that man a cold soda and hear his story. I want the next six months to be a period where I give up control of my time, and let God use it how He pleases. 

I actually got a little anxious writing this post you guys. A lot  Most of this stuff isn't easy for me. I'd much rather sit behind anonymous donations and comfortable dinners with friends I know. But I know that I am called to do more. And because of that I pray for the ability to slow down and to yield my heart and goals to Jesus.  And more importantly, I pray for the courage to follow how the Lord leads, even if it's hard, scary, and makes my palms sweat. 

How are you doing with your word of the year? Any thoughts on how to be generous with time, money, and/or home? 

Project 12: June

Project 12 is a monthly recap of our lives where I talk about dates, notable events, and other fun things. June was another busy month full of lots of big events and fun! 

DATES

1. Pikes Peak- My parents were in town for Alex's graduation and the day after the graduation, we decided to drive up Pikes Peak. This is one of the few 14ers (mountains over 14,000 feet) that you can drive to the top of. We enjoyed the family time, loved the view, and saw a pregnant lady at the top not doing so well (all you preggos take note). My brother later educated us on how serious altitude sickness can really be (really serious), so it's a good thing to keep in mind if you're going to be headed to altitude this summer! 

{check out that dark cloud behind us! I'm glad we weren't hiking this time}

2. Camping! It's been rainy and chilly this summer but the later part of June things started to warm up so we decided to go camping. We were able to go with some of our best friends and we just had an absolute blast. We played spades and progressive rummy, fished, read books, relaxed, ate THE BEST PEACH COBBLER (see below), and shared our hearts around the campfire. Perhaps the highlight of the weekend was reading Scripture and discussing it around the campfire Sunday morning. I am so incredibly grateful for friends that encourage our walk with the Lord and are just plain fun to be around. 

{the lake where we went fishing}

{this girl is my sister from another mister}

{these guys are just the best}

NOTABLE EVENTS

1. ALEX GRADUATED!! My husband Alex has been in a radiology technologist program since he graduated with his bachelor's degree in 2013. It was a pretty rigorous two year long program that he enjoyed and learned a lot in. The only person more excited about his graduation than himself was ME. Now we're going to be two people working, have two incomes, and hardly know what to do with ourselves!

{so proud of him!}

2. I bought my first maxi dress! It's actually my first maxi anything (dress, skirt etc.). I've been so afraid of the stripes and the trend in general because I'm worried that it would make me look fat, but on a whim I bought a discounted maxi dress at Old Navy and I LOVE IT. I'm glad I listened to all you bloggers that encouraged me to take the leap because it is my favorite thing to wear now.

{please ignore the facial expression and fluorescent lighting. I had just woken

 up from after a night shift and was trying to keep my eyes open...literally}

DISCOVERIES

1. Yoga is the bomb.com. I think I've mentioned in an earlier post that I was really getting into yoga, but this month I took it to another level. I did the 30 Days of Yoga Challenge With Adrienne and LOVED it. It was a daily yoga sequence (that's right, every single day) that was so fun to do and complemented my running really well. If you're at all interested in yoga, either as a beginner or with some experience, I highly recommend you check out her Youtube channel. She has tons of videos and teaches in such a way that you don't feel bad about yourself. It's great! 

2. The BEST peach cobbler IN THE WORLD. My friend had a recipe to make one in a cast iron skillet over the fire while we were camping and let me tell you- best thing I've ever tasted in my whole life. We all just took forks to it and finished it off in 15 minutes. It was the easiest thing ever to make and I really want to try and recreate it at home! 

{we were drooling at this point... quite literally}

{we devoured it}

BOOKS & MOVIES

-Books-

10 Curses That Block the Blessing by Larry Huch. Okay, so despite the very televangelist-y title this book was awesome. It was recommended to me by some people at a healing service and I couldn't recommend it more. It examines 10 generational curses that may exist/have existed in your family including anger, jealousy, and gossip. The author then goes on to explain how this curse over our can affect our day to day lives and he ends each chapter with a prayer you can pray to break the generational curse. I don't feel like generational curses are addressed much in today's culture, but this book shows that there is a lot of Biblical references to them, and Satan is using them today to devastate lives. The author of the book is a former drug dealer who got saved but then was still struggling with the same issues over and over until the Lord gave him the revelation about a generational curse. He prayed about it, broke the curse, and it has made all the difference in the world for him. That to say, if you are repeatedly struggling with something despite all your best efforts to improve, this book may really help you! I highly recommend it! 

Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist. This book spoke straight to my heart and word of the year (update on how I'm doing with my word of the year is coming later this week!). It speaks of having a generous heart and open table and how so much of life is lived around food and a table. It did make me wish that I was a better cook/more into cooking because her dinner menus were amazing while mine is always one of three dishes depending on the weather. If you have a passion for creating community and/or opening up your home, I suggest you check this book out! 

Becoming Nursey by Kati Kleber. This is a book that was written directly to new nurses and goes through different aspects of the transition from student nurse to nurse. It's a really hard and stressful transition but one I've mostly gone through by the time I read this book. There is a lot of nuggets of wisdom in it though if you are in your first year nursing and it was a quick, fun read. 

-Movies- 

This month, I saw my first ever animated film in theaters. I'm not really into animated movies (*gasp*), and generally avoid them but "Inside Out" looked way too cute. I had just come off of my first string of night shifts and was absolutely exhausted and fell asleep during part of the middle of the movie. But other than that little mishap it was one of the cutest animated movies I've seen and I really enjoyed it. 

BY THE NUMBERS

Miles run: 16. This beats May's count of 9. My goal at this point is 6 miles a week which is virtually nothing, but for me is plenty. Since I'm on night shift right now I hardly ever wake up before it gets hot which means I'm running in the afternoon in the heat or rain. I'm not a hot weather runner and basically want to die after 2-3 miles in the heat... those of you that live and run in the heat- HOW DO YOU DO IT?? 

New recipes tried: 2. Some friends made this white chicken enchilada casserole when we went to their house and it was delicious. I gave it a shot this month and it turned out SO good! A repeat for sure! 

This ground turkey sweet potato skillet was alright. Basically tasted like ground turkey and sweet potatoes; in a nutshell- wasn't anything special. 

SOME FAVORITES

This post on how to break your conflict cycles in your marriage written by Lauren, my newly discovered favorite blogger! 

This book that has put a fire in my heart for the orphan and a closer relationship with Jesus. I'll write more in next month's project 12 post but this book talks about the rescue of a baby out of Uganda. By medical standards, the girl should not have lived but she did and this story is a testament to God's amazing power. If you're needing something inspirational and motivating, this is the book for you. 

I wrote about one of my core beliefs and how I'm able to do my type of job. Every day I remind myself that this is not the end of the story 

And a little bit more of a life update over coffee where I share my heart and what's really been going on behind the scenes of life. 

How was your June? Have you gone camping yet? How about jumped on the maxi dress/skirt train?

Let's Meet for Coffee

I must say that some of my favorite blog posts are when you bloggers invite me into your space for coffee. So today, I'm going to do the same. We'll meet at the local Starbucks because, as you know, I'm not huge into coffee and I'm not up on the local coffee scene. You'll order a drink so strong that it would make me gag, and I'll order something that is more sugar than coffee. We sit down in a quiet corner, settle into our chairs, and lean into chat over Norah Jones playing in the background. 

We would start by talking about the weather. I would tell you how much I am loving the sunshine and summer. It started off really rainy, and you'll smile because you know how much I need sunshine for my soul. I'll tell you how a couple weeks ago I vowed to Alex that never ever would we move to the Pacific Northwest even if we were promised salaries of a million dollars... I just couldn't handle it. 

Speaking of Alex, we would chat about how Alex is finally out of school for the first time in 22 years, and for the first time since we've known each other we are both out of school.  I would share my joy with you, but also share with you that the transition has been difficult. For the past two years I have spent the greater part of four days by myself each week. Now, Alex is around those four days and it has been wonderful and hard at the same time. You know that I'm the type to need to be by myself in order to recharge, and I share with you that Alex and I are trying to navigate what our new normal will look like. We need to learn how to give each other space which isn't always the easiest thing when you live in 600 square feet. 

I'll ask you how things are going with your boy- have you had to adjust to a new normal too? You tell me that I'm not alone in this adjustment and that it will just take time. You share with me the latest date you two had and we'll both express our gratitude for our men and the blessing they are in our lives. 

{Or maybe you share with me how you are still single and how you're scared you're going to be an old maid. You know that I once echoed that same fear and that God answered my prayers. Once again, I won't know what to say because I know it's hard and I know that God will work things out in his time. I also know that me telling you these things is super un-helpful especially because I'm already married. I might suggest something crazy to you like online dating, or coming with Alex and I to country western dance on Saturday night. I might make you laugh and I'll promise that I'll pray for your heart, and even though you know I mean well, I know it won't ease the burden of being single}. 

I'll tell you that I'm finally comfortable at my job. After almost two years working in the hospital, I now feel as though I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I've learned to trust my gut, and I know that I will be able to handle even the hardest of patients or families. And if I can't, I know there will be someone to help me. You'll be relieved to hear that I'm no longer anxious each time I go into a shift, and work is just now work instead of my biggest worry. 

And then finally, we dig deep. We talk about our dreams, hopes, and fears. I share with you how I've applied to graduate school to become a nurse practitioner. This may be the first time that you've heard of this, but it won't surprise you as I remind you that becoming a nurse practitioner has been my dream since I was 15 years old. But what will surprise you is that I'm having second thoughts about this dream; I'm wondering if my dream is really in line with God's plans for me. I've wanted it for so long and yet I wonder if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons (better pay and better hours). I'm scared that it won't be worth the time and money and potential debt Alex and I will incur. I'm scared that it won't matter because what I really want to do is be a Mom.  I'm scared that I'll find myself with another degree in three years, still not in a house, still childless, and wishing that I had done things differently. I'll ask for you to pray for me, that the Lord gives me the wisdom to make the right decision. 

Then I'll share with you a couple more things that you may or may not already know. I'll tell you how I think about adoption and my future kids almost every day, how I sometimes wish my life wasn't so full of change, and how sometimes I wonder if Alex and I are truly following in the will of God. 

I guess you could say it's a season of settling in while simultaneously preparing for change. I feel at peace, overwhelmed, and excited- sometimes all at the same time. There are days when I handle it all really well, and other days when darkness presses in like you wouldn't believe. 

I'll apologize for talking so long, like I always do and you'll just laugh because you know that's how I am. You know that I'll spend as long as I need to listening to you, and I do. Hours later, our coffee is long gone, we look at the clock realizing that we should probably get home. We hug and promise to do it again soon. 

{Please share your coffee date thoughts with me below in the comments!}