Let's Meet for Coffee

I must say that some of my favorite blog posts are when you bloggers invite me into your space for coffee. So today, I'm going to do the same. We'll meet at the local Starbucks because, as you know, I'm not huge into coffee and I'm not up on the local coffee scene. You'll order a drink so strong that it would make me gag, and I'll order something that is more sugar than coffee. We sit down in a quiet corner, settle into our chairs, and lean into chat over Norah Jones playing in the background. 

We would start by talking about the weather. I would tell you how much I am loving the sunshine and summer. It started off really rainy, and you'll smile because you know how much I need sunshine for my soul. I'll tell you how a couple weeks ago I vowed to Alex that never ever would we move to the Pacific Northwest even if we were promised salaries of a million dollars... I just couldn't handle it. 

Speaking of Alex, we would chat about how Alex is finally out of school for the first time in 22 years, and for the first time since we've known each other we are both out of school.  I would share my joy with you, but also share with you that the transition has been difficult. For the past two years I have spent the greater part of four days by myself each week. Now, Alex is around those four days and it has been wonderful and hard at the same time. You know that I'm the type to need to be by myself in order to recharge, and I share with you that Alex and I are trying to navigate what our new normal will look like. We need to learn how to give each other space which isn't always the easiest thing when you live in 600 square feet. 

I'll ask you how things are going with your boy- have you had to adjust to a new normal too? You tell me that I'm not alone in this adjustment and that it will just take time. You share with me the latest date you two had and we'll both express our gratitude for our men and the blessing they are in our lives. 

{Or maybe you share with me how you are still single and how you're scared you're going to be an old maid. You know that I once echoed that same fear and that God answered my prayers. Once again, I won't know what to say because I know it's hard and I know that God will work things out in his time. I also know that me telling you these things is super un-helpful especially because I'm already married. I might suggest something crazy to you like online dating, or coming with Alex and I to country western dance on Saturday night. I might make you laugh and I'll promise that I'll pray for your heart, and even though you know I mean well, I know it won't ease the burden of being single}. 

I'll tell you that I'm finally comfortable at my job. After almost two years working in the hospital, I now feel as though I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I've learned to trust my gut, and I know that I will be able to handle even the hardest of patients or families. And if I can't, I know there will be someone to help me. You'll be relieved to hear that I'm no longer anxious each time I go into a shift, and work is just now work instead of my biggest worry. 

And then finally, we dig deep. We talk about our dreams, hopes, and fears. I share with you how I've applied to graduate school to become a nurse practitioner. This may be the first time that you've heard of this, but it won't surprise you as I remind you that becoming a nurse practitioner has been my dream since I was 15 years old. But what will surprise you is that I'm having second thoughts about this dream; I'm wondering if my dream is really in line with God's plans for me. I've wanted it for so long and yet I wonder if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons (better pay and better hours). I'm scared that it won't be worth the time and money and potential debt Alex and I will incur. I'm scared that it won't matter because what I really want to do is be a Mom.  I'm scared that I'll find myself with another degree in three years, still not in a house, still childless, and wishing that I had done things differently. I'll ask for you to pray for me, that the Lord gives me the wisdom to make the right decision. 

Then I'll share with you a couple more things that you may or may not already know. I'll tell you how I think about adoption and my future kids almost every day, how I sometimes wish my life wasn't so full of change, and how sometimes I wonder if Alex and I are truly following in the will of God. 

I guess you could say it's a season of settling in while simultaneously preparing for change. I feel at peace, overwhelmed, and excited- sometimes all at the same time. There are days when I handle it all really well, and other days when darkness presses in like you wouldn't believe. 

I'll apologize for talking so long, like I always do and you'll just laugh because you know that's how I am. You know that I'll spend as long as I need to listening to you, and I do. Hours later, our coffee is long gone, we look at the clock realizing that we should probably get home. We hug and promise to do it again soon. 

{Please share your coffee date thoughts with me below in the comments!}

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  1. I love your voice in this....I really do feel like I'm sitting down with you for coffee! I can totally relate with those transitions in seasons of marriage being challenging. We've both changed jobs several times since we got married and there's always an adjustment period where we figure out how to love each other well in the midst of that. Thanks for sharing your heart here! I'm actually drinking my coffee as I read so this is perfect. :)

  2. I love this! Thanks for being honest about a transition - it's crazy how when we get something we want so bad doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be easy! I know y'all will figure it out :)

  3. Oh man those job switches are tough- sort of feels like this is the decade of change for more than just us and while it's exciting it can be hard. Loving each other well in each stage of life is definitely our biggest challenge. That's so cool how you just happened to be drinking coffee while reading this- love it!

  4. Yes it's so true Caroline. It's that "grass is always greener on the other side mentality almost". Thanks for the encouragement girl! :)

  5. I so needed this coffee date! I have been thinking a lot about friendships and such and stepping out of my comfort zone and reading this just gave me a reminder that friendships come in all sorts of ways, shapes, and forms. I needed this honest conversation! :)

    I so relate to your prayers about being an NP (that's an awesome dream, btw!). Before I got the job I currently have, I prayed a lot and asked God about clarifying my dreams with His plans. And it was a lot of questioning, waiting, and praying. But during that time of waiting, I realized that not having another plan or option was His way of telling me that I'm where He wants me to be. I'll be thinking of you and praying that you get clarity and peace as well!

    And I also loved what you said about singleness. I am so comforted in your thoughtfulness for us single ladies! :)

    p.s. I would sooooo love to chat about adoption! I have wanted to adopt since I was nine and it's a HUGE part of my heart and hopes and dreams.

  6. I wish we could go on a real coffee date! Thanks for sharing. So glad Alex is out of school. Hope you're making the transition smoothly! Big life changes like that can definitely take time :)

  7. I wish we could go on a for real coffee date too! Did I tell you Alex applied to PA school in OKC? So it could happen in the near future... thanks for the encouragement- these things do take time and I think I forget that quickly.

  8. Kiki I'm so glad that this coffee date was a good one- your response was totally needed as well! I can see how not having another plan or option was God's way of guiding you so I will be keeping that in mind as I cover this whole situation with prayer- thank you!! I can't wait to hear more about your journey that you've alluded to :)

    I think about you single ladies a lot because I still have a lot of close friends in your same shoes- you girls hang in there, I will be the most excited when you find your right guy :)

    Ahhhh adoption is on your heart too really?? Ahhh yes!! What all have you thought about it?? (feel free to send me an email about it!) My favorite blog about adoption is aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com (the author of the blog is the wife of the pastor at my old church- they have 12 kids and have adopted most of them. She also just published her first book so I think the new website may be linnysaunders.com and may be hard to navigate since it's still new but when they update it you should read around... SO many amazing stories of God's provision and her and her husband started International Voice of the Orphan... anyway they really inspire me in my dreams to pursue adoption so I thought I would share :) )

  9. I love the coffee date! Thanks for being so honest.

    I know waiting isn't fun in regards to jobs and making big decisions like going back to school but I also know The Lord will guide you. Have you talked to your family and close Christian friends for their input?

    ALSO - about being around your spouse a lot and having to readjust I think that is a common thing that happens. Remember that trip Dave and I took to New England last fall? The pretty pictures don't depict the amount of stress and tensions that was present many times. We were moving and we were around each other 24/7! We still enjoyed each other but I definitely had moments. In Asia we were around each other 24/7 and more! AND eventually you learn to live well with each other. It definitely takes trial and error and more importantly grace and a lot of forgiveness. I think the biggest thing is that Dave sacrificially puts me before himself and that in turn has helped me be kinder as well.

    All that to say is that it is normal! God is with you and present in those moments that are hard and He will see you through until you have a new 'norm' figured out.

  10. why is following God's will the hardest thing everrrrr????? i am always unsure (should i have taken the job i'm at now? should i be applying for better jobs? should i go back for my master's? what about kids?), so in reading this, it was like one big "you aren't alone!" sign. thanks girl. and transition is SO HARD!!! thank the lawwwd for grace.

    (also, about sounding unsure of God's will, recently i heard someone say that the church in Acts kept moving forward with what they knew was right--reaching out, sharing Jesus, etc. they didn't hold still and wait for some direct vision before making a move, and when a clear sign came, they acted accordingly.)

  11. Ahhh Julie thank you for sharing what you heard about Acts and the church. That actually helps me a lot- that I can keep on the course and then follow the Lord's will as He reveals it to me instead of just feeling stuck. Thank you thank you thank you friend!!!

  12. We have talked to close friends and family about our decision and they're keeping us in prayer and have offered some counsel- both things I'm incredibly grateful for. Hopefully between that and continual prayer we'll be able to follow in God's will.

    I do remember those New England pictures and while I'm not happy you guys had your moments behind the camera, I also feel a little bit better that we're not the only married couple that has had to adjust being together all the time (when you would normally expect that that would be a good thing!) I can't imagine the transition in Asia either- that's a whole different ballgame! I think in a way this is a trial period that will only make our marriage stronger and things smoother if we land up moving out of state for PA school.


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