Contentment: A God Working Behind the Scenes

Content: con·tent \kən-ˈtent\  Pleased and satisfied : not needing more. 

Contentment. The state of being pleased and satisfied is something I think a lot of us wrestle with, and for me it's a near daily battle. I had been wanting to blog about contentment for awhile, but I didn't know what to write. Mostly because I haven't found the answer. I haven't found the discontentment cure, or been able to tie up an answer to the problem in a neat little package with a bow. 

Today's culture creates a breeding ground for discontentment. Our instant access to the Internet and its' glossy photos that suggest a perfect life, lead us to wonder what is wrong with our marriage, our friendships or even ourselves? 

Groupon, Amazon, and Etsy are always reminding us that there is a deal to be had, and whatever nice things you do have, don't compare to the new product that just came out. And lets not forget Pinterest and the never-ending feed of beautiful homes, impeccable style sense, and picture perfect dinners. 

If the Internet wasn't bad enough, we will constantly be surrounded by friends and family who will seem like they have it made. There will be the ones with the cute new puppy, the blessed ones having a baby, or the excited ones signing a lease on their first house. 

All of this seeming perfection creeps into our souls, creating a heart of discontentment, envy, and lending itself to a lack of peace. I know all this, because I am in that ugly place all too often. I often think "I want" or "I wish I had" before thinking "I'm thankful for". January was month where discontentment swallowed me up leaving me feeling stuck in my place in the world. 

And then last Thursday at our church's meal group, the passage we read and meditated on brought me my much needed breakthrough. 

"He covers the heavens with clouds, provides rain for the earth, and makes the grass grow in mountain pastures. He gives food to the wild animals and feeds the young ravens when they cry." 

The passage (Psalm 147:1-11) was read three times, and each time, these two verses resonated deeply with me. These two verses paint a beautiful picture of a God who cares and of a God who is sovereign. This verse reminds me that He is a good God, and a God who provides for all of the animals and all of the earth. The passage also reminded me of a quote in one of my favorite movies, Facing the Giants"

"I heard of a story of two farmers praying to God for rain to come. Both prayed but only one prepared the land. Who do you think trusted God more to send the rain?"

The Psalm was a verse that reminded me that God is sovereign and God provides. The movie quote reminded me that God is working, even when I can't see it. We know these things, but how quick we are to forget.

My God is a God who works behind the scenes. He is, right now, forming the clouds and creating the beautiful rain that will come later. When I feel stuck and forgotten He reminds me that He is a God who never forgets. He doesn't forget me now that I am feeling stuck. He doesn't forget His promises to me. He doesn't forget me. Ever.

Though I may feel stuck, I find hope in knowing that He is preparing the blessings that will come at a later time. All the moments of today, and the workings of tomorrow are not in vain. They are my preparation of the field that is to receive rain.

I can find contentment in knowing that where I'm at is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I can find contentment in being thankful for what I do have. I can find contentment in knowing, believing, and meditating on the fact that right now, God is working behind the scenes on my behalf. 

God promises over and over to provide and fulfill us with everything that we need to live this journey. He is providing now, and He will provide then. He is preparing the rain, and my job is to be faithful in preparing a field. 

When discontentment swallows me, I need to focus on my many blessings. When I feel trapped in my spot in life, I need to focus on the good of today. I find contentment in knowing that I serve a loving, merciful God who has promised to give me a hope and a future. I find contentment in picturing a loving Father who is creating, preparing, and blessing my life beyond that of my imagination. I find contentment in never forgetting that He is always working behind the scenes, and my job is to prepare the field for rain. 

How about you? Do you struggle with contentment? What have you found that helps you be content with where you're at? 

**lest you think this is a post with the answer to contentment packaged up with a pretty bow, I wrote the post and an hour later had a huge meltdown that was filled with ugly fat tears dripping of discontentment. Being content is a major work in progress.

Linking up with Sweet Little Ones Tuesday Talk!

What my mother regrets

Over the holidays I was able to take some time off from work and spend a week at my parents' house and in the town where I grew up. This was the longest I had been at home since I graduated college and much of the time was spent in conversation with my Mom, Dad, and brother. One night as we were having dinner, my mom mentioned that there were some things that she regrets doing as a parent. I was of course curious and asked her what were some of the things she regretted doing as a parent. While she wouldn't share some things, the things she shared are something we can all learn from. 

"Sarah, I regret worrying about always have things clean and in their place." 

My mom explained that she wishes she spent more time with us rather than cleaning the house.

"Sarah, I regret not letting the little things (like wiping down the refrigerator door) go."

My Mom shared that she wishes she wouldn't have gotten so upset with us over little things (like toy clutter). She wishes that she would have just let them go and not worried about it so much.

My Mom is not one to live with regret but now that her and my Dad are empty nesters, I think she is realizing just how fast the time flies. Furthermore my mom has no need to regret these things- my brothers and I have no recollection of spending an excessive amount of time cleaning or her worrying about the little things. In fact, just the opposite- I remember going on bike ride after bike ride in the summer, joining in her garage sale-ing endeavors, and I rarely remember her being upset.

But what she said that night at dinner hit home. 

You see, I have always been pretty clean a neat freak, and in the past 16 months of marriage, that neat freak monster in me has reared its ugly head. As a nurse, I work three long days but have four days off. In the beginning of my marriage I found myself cleaning and doing chores at least two of those four days. Mind you, I have no kids, there's only laundry for two people, and I live in a 600 square foot apartment. The chores and cleaning that I was doing for two days was so far into the realm of perfection that my husband would come home, splash a little water on the bathroom sink and hear an earful from yours truly.

I have lightened up over the past year but not as much as I'd like as was proven by an incident this past December.

About a week before Christmas my brother and brother-in-law were over for the Broncos game and dinner. I should mention that this particular night would be the last time that I would see my 21-year old brother before he left for Thailand for a year (or possibly longer). After dinner, my brothers and husband all sat down in the living room as I started cleaning the kitchen and washing dishes. I began to get angry- why was I not getting any help? Why was I having to clean up by myself?

Half an hour into cleaning up (I had moved past the dishes by this point and was onto straightening the house and doing other little chores that needed doing), I realized that I had it all wrong.

My brother was leaving for a year and I was worried about some dirty dishes in the sink and a cluttered coffee table. 

Instead of sitting and talking and enjoying the company, my neat freak monster came out making me worry about the things that had yet to be cleaned. It seems incredulous as I write it now, but in the moment the dirty dishes were incredibly bothersome to me.

How often are my priorities skewed like this? More often than I would like.

I too often choose a clean kitchen over time with my husband.

I often choose a dusted and mopped house over time to relax and recharge my own battery.

I often choose finished laundry over time spent outside or time with friends.  

I think the point of this all is there will forever be a list of tasks and things that must be done. Can we completely ignore this list? Of course not. Can we choose to be selective in the things that are priority on this list? Definitely. Can we choose quality time with loved ones and rest for ourselves over tasks that must be done? Absolutely.

If you feel as though nothing on your list can wait, then maybe you need to take a step back and reevaluate what is on your list. Things like caring for yourself, spending time with your loved ones, and having peace in your relationships should always take priority over your task list.

For someone like my mom, she wishes she had let those dirty dishes sit in the sink. She wishes she hadn't made such a big deal about perfectly folded laundry. 

I wish I had sat down and enjoyed my brother's company while he was present in my living room because now the only communication we have is the occasional text or Facebook message letting us know he's okay. I wish I had spent more time relaxing on my days off and less time cleaning. I wish I had chosen peace in my marriage over a perfectly clean bathroom sink or toilet paper that's put on the roll "the right way".

Though I wish these things, it's never too late to make a change. 

Since the experience with my brother, I've been more conscientious about when I choose to clean my house. I'm learning that boxers left on the bathroom floor is not worth the fight. I'm learning that two extra hours of sleep on my day off is worth more than a vacuumed house. I'm learning that I can relax in a house that has clutter on the coffee table and dishes in its sink. I'm learning to make like Elsa and just let.it.go. 

This whole thing is hard for me. Really hard. If you're a type A person like I am, you will know this struggle all too well.

Let's make it our goal and encourage each other in this journey. A journey of choosing self-care, relationship, and peace over a clean house and perfectly manicured life. A journey of letting go of the little things for the greater sense of contentment in life.

My Mom's memories of her kids at home enjoying time together as a family are plentiful and abundant. I can only imagine how far I have yet to go to become as even keeled and laid back as my mom is and was when we were kids.  If you are a momma- be encouraged; you are doing the best you can and your kids are remembering the time you're spending with them at the park, giggling in the playroom, or snuggled on the couch.

(one of our many camping trips together as a family- these are the things I remember)

Let us choose daily the important thing- the rest we need, the time with each other we need, and the peace in our relationships that we so desperately need.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go do the dishes.

Do you choose quality time and rest over things on your to-do list? If you do, what are your tips for those of us who struggle with this? If you don't, what are a couple ways that you think you can start?

{In case you were wondering, my Mom read and fully approved this post before I posted it.}

{Linking up with Sweet Little Ones for Tuesday Talk}

Developing a Work-Life Balance

As I have transitioned into the work phase of my life, I have had to adjust to a number of things, the main thing being a developing a work-life balance. When one starts into the work force we are often prepared to work the long hours, go the extra mile, and take all the grunt tasks to “get ahead”. In trying to get ahead, I’m afraid many of us struggle with finding a work-life balance. We work hard because we’re trying to prove to ourselves, to our superiors, and to those around us that we can do this. A handful of us work hard because we enjoy our jobs, we feel needed, and we fill fulfilled. I would classify myself in both categories- I love my job, I feel fulfilled in what I do, but I also wanted to prove (to myself more than anyone) that I am a good nurse.

Part of what made developing a work-life balance difficult was there are many times when I feel like what I am doing at work is so much more valuable than time spent with family or time spent with friends. My Dad spent years working at an orphanage in Mexico, and my mom later told me that when he was raising us kids sometimes he felt like he wasn't doing much “good” because he was no longer helping the orphans. His sister reminded him that he is doing the most important job there is in raising his own kids, but I often wonder how many of us feel like my Dad? How many of us feel more useful and needed in our jobs than at home? Maybe we think that by focusing in on our time with family and friends that we are being selfish. I would argue just the opposite. You may feel needed at work but you really are needed at home too. The time you spend investing in those closest to you and the breaks that you should give yourself are what allow you to be effective in your day job.

In this first year and a half of being in the work force I've learned that more important than working hard in my career is learning to balance my work with other responsibilities. I've had to learn that my purpose is greater than my job, and that my purpose can include time spent with family and friends.

Both the family I was born into and the family I married into have been great examples of what it looks like to have a good work-life balance. Both families viewed (and still view) work as something that was necessary, working hard was a good thing, but family and relationships trumped all.

I've also spent some time in the last year and a half examining what this work-life balance looked like for Jesus. If we examine His life a little closer, He spent the first 30 years of his life developing relationships with his family and friends in preparation for his public ministry. During the times of His public ministry we know that he had a close relationship with his mother and we see how much time he spent with his family (the disciples). He spent a large majority of his time pouring into his disciples' lives, ministering to them, and then he took his ministry public.

Time with friends and family can feel selfish or fruitless, but something about this time spent nurturing relationships of those closest to us in turn provides us with strength that we may have not had otherwise. The time we spend outside of work can truly help us do our job better when we are at work. This time outside of work can easily be devalued if we’re constantly checking our work email, thinking about work, and doing tasks that really should only be done at work. There is much to be said for truly “leaving work at work”.

This work-life balance looks different for different people and may even look different depending on the part of the world you live in. For me, the work-life balance includes a few deliberate choices. I have chosen not to have my work email connected to my phone- nothing is going to happen if I get back to someone in a couple of days instead of a couple of minutes. This is something I really struggled with when I started my job- I was new and wanted to be professional and prompt so  I connected my email to my phone. I soon realized that this was causing me to think about work outside of work way more than I should have, and I was stressing about things that I read in my email without even having to set foot in the hospital. Disconnecting my work email was one of the best things I've ever done in achieving a work-life balance.

I also practice a few mental techniques to help me leave work at work. I have a 5 minute walk from the hospital to the car and during this time I imagine myself holding two suitcases, one in each hand. Each suitcase holds the bits and pieces of the day I just worked. As I walk towards my car I imagine myself dropping each suitcase on the ground and leaving all of my day on the grounds of the hospital. If a particular part of my day stays in my head on the drive home, I think about it during my drive and then pretend that I’m locking up that situation in my car as I lock the car doors to go inside my apartment.

In a job that’s filled with human connection and personal exposure into people’s (often sad) life stories, I’m not always good at leaving everything at work. Sometimes I walk through the door and have to unload my day on Alex (bless his heart). The verbal processing is sometimes the only way I can get over my day but  I also try not to make it a habit. Sometimes talking through my day will actually make it a lot worse and it’s easier if I leave things unsaid and keep my house a safe work-free zone.

The main way that I keep a healthy work-life balance is by making the most of my days off. This means taking time to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. Some days this means that the house isn't cleaned and dinner is frozen pizza. This means taking time to meet with friends and putting in the effort to hang out with someone. This means taking time to connect with family whether it’s dinner together or Facetime. This means taking time to invest in my two most important relationships that I have- getting in the Word with my guy Jesus, and having date nights with my guy Alex.

By disconnecting myself, using imagery techniques, and making the most of my days off, I feel like I’ve developed a healthy work-life balance. Work is work. It is not and should not be the only thing that defines you or the only thing in life that gives you purpose. You were given the people around you for a reason, and the strength you gain outside of your work day by investing in these relationships will make you ten times more effective at your job. Finding a work-life balance is vital in this life journey; it’s a process but it’s a process that will contribute to your health, your peace, and your overall happiness in this life.

Have you ever struggled finding a healthy work-life balance?  What are some ways that you have developed a healthy mix of the two?

**Sometimes out of work obligations are just as stressful (or more stressful) than work obligations- come back next week for a followup post on balancing life demands**