5 Things I've Learned From Nursing... that you should know too

Nursing is a job that plops you intimately into people's lives. Often you enter in at very difficult and stressful times, presenting itself with difficulties as well as many opportunities to show compassion and love. Nursing has opened my eyes to so many things and, in some respects, has completely shifted the way I view the world. I thought I would share the five most valuable lessons that nursing has taught me because they're all lessons we need to learn.

1. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
I don't think I have found anything more true than this statement, and I think it's something we (myself included) easily forget. When I walk in a patient's room, what I see before me is a family- a child and their parents. The kid is being a kid; he watches cartoons to distract himself from the fact that he's in a hospital room. The parents make small talk with me about the weather and the food.

What I don't see until I open up that patient's chart is the fact that the cartoon-loving boy has fought seizures for ten years without much success. What I don't see is mom and dad struggling through an internal battle as they decide between the safe option or the risky one that may save their child's life.

We cannot see the pain that others face. That rude cashier at the store? She's taking care of her dying mother at home. That woman that just cut you off in traffic? She just found out her 8-year old has terminal cancer and has months to live.

I'm not excusing bad behavior, and it's no fun when people are downright mean. But next time someone irks you, remember that they are fighting a battle you know nothing about. Give them the grace that you hope to one day receive yourself if you were in their situation.

2. Asking someone if they are thinking about killing themselves may be the most important question you will ever ask. 
If there was one thing I learned from my mental health rotation in nursing school it's this: if you are concerned that someone is contemplating suicide, always find the courage to ask. 

My mental health professor told a story in which she had a gut feeling that one of her neighbors was contemplating suicide. My professor didn't know her that well, and was scared to ask the lady if she was thinking about killing herself... so she didn't ask. Less than 24 hours later, police found the neighbor dead, hanging in her closet. This happened 30 years ago- and my professor still can't tell the story without tears streaming down her face.

If you are concerned that someone is thinking about suicide, ASK THEM. It's scary, hard to do, and really uncomfortable. I know this, because I've had to ask it. And PLEASE for a second don't believe that by asking them, you will be giving them the idea of committing suicide. This common misconception couldn't be farther than the truth.

If you are concerned to the point that you are considering asking someone if they are thinking about killing themselves, there is almost 100% chance that the person you are going to ask has already thought about it. You will not be giving them the idea. Trust me, you won't. There are countless stories about people who didn't go through with their suicide plan because someone saw them, asked them about it, and got them help.

I firmly believe that if more of us were willing to ask this question and commit to getting our friends and family help, the number of suicides would drastically go down in America. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. Be that person who hears them.

3. We're all human. 
Medicine is a wonderful thing that is saving lives every day. But what people tend to forget is that doctors and nurses are humans too and we have the capability to make mistakes. We are trained to be careful, vigilant, and double check everything we do. Our mistakes hold more weight, and that's why we all hope and pray that we don't make one. But no matter how many double checks are done, mistakes happen. We feel awful when they happen, and some of us may never even forgive ourselves.

Realizing my own humanity means that I can more easily forgive others for their mistakes. I am not in any way excusing the mistakes I make, but I am grateful for those that show grace to me when I do make them. I try and turn around and show grace to those around me- whether it be a friend who unintentionally wrongs me, a restaurant that gets my order wrong, or someone that cuts me off in traffic.

4. The human spirit is resilient. 
If there is one thing that has wowed me over and over again in the field of nursing, it's the absolute resilience of the human spirit. I see families struck by tragedy come together and become better for it. I see parents with very sick children, turn around and be incredibly kind and patient to everyone around them.

What does this mean for you? It means that you need not fear. There is no need to fear tragedy, death, or pain because beauty always arises from these circumstances. Do we hope for such things to happen to us? Absolutely not. But do we fear the occurrence of such events? No, because if such thing were to happen us, we would be given the strength that we need to handle it. The human spirit is resilient, yours included.

5. Never ever judge a book by its' cover. 
I have seen the most normal of looking families be absolutely sour and rude to nurses, doctors, and everyone around them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've seen parents with green hair, 30 tattoos, and a dozen piercings come in and be the most delightful people to work with.

I am not in any way equating tattoos, piercings, and colored hair with bad parents or bad people for that matter. All I'm saying is that my first impression of a person is almost always wrong. I've learned this over and over in my job and I try and let this translate into my personal life.

You don't know a person until you sit down with them and hear about their life. You can't know a person until you spend some time with them. Let us be a people that assume the best of people, not the worst. Let us be a people that first inclines a listening ear instead of a turned up nose. 

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What lessons has your job taught you? If you're a nurse, what else would you add?

What my mother regrets

Over the holidays I was able to take some time off from work and spend a week at my parents' house and in the town where I grew up. This was the longest I had been at home since I graduated college and much of the time was spent in conversation with my Mom, Dad, and brother. One night as we were having dinner, my mom mentioned that there were some things that she regrets doing as a parent. I was of course curious and asked her what were some of the things she regretted doing as a parent. While she wouldn't share some things, the things she shared are something we can all learn from. 

"Sarah, I regret worrying about always have things clean and in their place." 

My mom explained that she wishes she spent more time with us rather than cleaning the house.

"Sarah, I regret not letting the little things (like wiping down the refrigerator door) go."

My Mom shared that she wishes she wouldn't have gotten so upset with us over little things (like toy clutter). She wishes that she would have just let them go and not worried about it so much.

My Mom is not one to live with regret but now that her and my Dad are empty nesters, I think she is realizing just how fast the time flies. Furthermore my mom has no need to regret these things- my brothers and I have no recollection of spending an excessive amount of time cleaning or her worrying about the little things. In fact, just the opposite- I remember going on bike ride after bike ride in the summer, joining in her garage sale-ing endeavors, and I rarely remember her being upset.

But what she said that night at dinner hit home. 

You see, I have always been pretty clean a neat freak, and in the past 16 months of marriage, that neat freak monster in me has reared its ugly head. As a nurse, I work three long days but have four days off. In the beginning of my marriage I found myself cleaning and doing chores at least two of those four days. Mind you, I have no kids, there's only laundry for two people, and I live in a 600 square foot apartment. The chores and cleaning that I was doing for two days was so far into the realm of perfection that my husband would come home, splash a little water on the bathroom sink and hear an earful from yours truly.

I have lightened up over the past year but not as much as I'd like as was proven by an incident this past December.

About a week before Christmas my brother and brother-in-law were over for the Broncos game and dinner. I should mention that this particular night would be the last time that I would see my 21-year old brother before he left for Thailand for a year (or possibly longer). After dinner, my brothers and husband all sat down in the living room as I started cleaning the kitchen and washing dishes. I began to get angry- why was I not getting any help? Why was I having to clean up by myself?

Half an hour into cleaning up (I had moved past the dishes by this point and was onto straightening the house and doing other little chores that needed doing), I realized that I had it all wrong.

My brother was leaving for a year and I was worried about some dirty dishes in the sink and a cluttered coffee table. 

Instead of sitting and talking and enjoying the company, my neat freak monster came out making me worry about the things that had yet to be cleaned. It seems incredulous as I write it now, but in the moment the dirty dishes were incredibly bothersome to me.

How often are my priorities skewed like this? More often than I would like.

I too often choose a clean kitchen over time with my husband.

I often choose a dusted and mopped house over time to relax and recharge my own battery.

I often choose finished laundry over time spent outside or time with friends.  

I think the point of this all is there will forever be a list of tasks and things that must be done. Can we completely ignore this list? Of course not. Can we choose to be selective in the things that are priority on this list? Definitely. Can we choose quality time with loved ones and rest for ourselves over tasks that must be done? Absolutely.

If you feel as though nothing on your list can wait, then maybe you need to take a step back and reevaluate what is on your list. Things like caring for yourself, spending time with your loved ones, and having peace in your relationships should always take priority over your task list.

For someone like my mom, she wishes she had let those dirty dishes sit in the sink. She wishes she hadn't made such a big deal about perfectly folded laundry. 

I wish I had sat down and enjoyed my brother's company while he was present in my living room because now the only communication we have is the occasional text or Facebook message letting us know he's okay. I wish I had spent more time relaxing on my days off and less time cleaning. I wish I had chosen peace in my marriage over a perfectly clean bathroom sink or toilet paper that's put on the roll "the right way".

Though I wish these things, it's never too late to make a change. 

Since the experience with my brother, I've been more conscientious about when I choose to clean my house. I'm learning that boxers left on the bathroom floor is not worth the fight. I'm learning that two extra hours of sleep on my day off is worth more than a vacuumed house. I'm learning that I can relax in a house that has clutter on the coffee table and dishes in its sink. I'm learning to make like Elsa and just let.it.go. 

This whole thing is hard for me. Really hard. If you're a type A person like I am, you will know this struggle all too well.

Let's make it our goal and encourage each other in this journey. A journey of choosing self-care, relationship, and peace over a clean house and perfectly manicured life. A journey of letting go of the little things for the greater sense of contentment in life.

My Mom's memories of her kids at home enjoying time together as a family are plentiful and abundant. I can only imagine how far I have yet to go to become as even keeled and laid back as my mom is and was when we were kids.  If you are a momma- be encouraged; you are doing the best you can and your kids are remembering the time you're spending with them at the park, giggling in the playroom, or snuggled on the couch.

(one of our many camping trips together as a family- these are the things I remember)

Let us choose daily the important thing- the rest we need, the time with each other we need, and the peace in our relationships that we so desperately need.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go do the dishes.

Do you choose quality time and rest over things on your to-do list? If you do, what are your tips for those of us who struggle with this? If you don't, what are a couple ways that you think you can start?

{In case you were wondering, my Mom read and fully approved this post before I posted it.}

{Linking up with Sweet Little Ones for Tuesday Talk}