Chasing a Dream - The Announcement

I still remember where I was when I decided I was going to become a family nurse practitioner. I was 15 years old and sitting in my high school counselor's office looking through a book called "100 Career Ideas". Seems like a totally ridiculous way to find your life's calling right? 

Well, it was that book that introduced me to the career of a nurse practitioner but it was the long line of nurses in my family that first inspired me to pursue nursing in the first place. My Grandma was a nurse for over 40 years and as a teenager I was partially responsible for taking her to her doctors' appointments. Almost every place we went, I heard "Oh that's Blanche?? {My grandma's name} She was a GREAT nurse." These were people that she had worked with decades before that still remembered her. I don't know about you, but that is the kind of legacy I can only hope to leave. 

That book in the counseling office that day introduced me to a whole other side of nursing that I had no idea even existed. As I read more and more about the opportunities that nurse practitioners have, I decided that that's what I wanted to do. 

That dream started 9 years ago and it's a dream that has stayed in my heart ever since. At the beginning of this year, I had a conversation with one of my best friends that would change my life. You see, the timing of me going to graduate school didn't seem to be right; Alex was still finishing up his radiology technologist degree and looking at applying to graduate school himself in the near future. 

10 months, several conversations, a lot of research, and many prayers later, I am thrilled to announce that today is my first day of graduate school. The decision was not made lightly and it's a journey that will take me somewhere between two and three years to complete. Not all of the pieces make sense (yet), but I/we are going into this journey excited and ready to take it on. There have been several specific events over the past few months that have confirmed our decision to have me head back to school, and that in itself is super comforting. 

I hope to write a couple of posts in the near future that talk in more detail about how Alex and I approached making this decision as it was one of the more difficult we've had to make as a couple. I'm not sure what the future of this blog will look like with graduate school added on top of work but for now my goal is to keep it around, with the goal of posting once a week. I hope you have a great Monday and I'm off to start on homework!

{Linking up with Ember Grey and Grateful Heart Monday}

5 Stages of a Night Shift

At my hospital, nurses are required to rotate every two months between day shifts (7am-7pm) and night shift (7pm-7am), until you build up enough seniority to get a position where you're straight days (if you want straight night shift they usually let you hop on that train pretty quickly). 

I'm one of the crazies that still rotates my schedule and I just finished nine weeks of night shift. To a lot of the outside world, night shift seems like such a weird thing- like we're really awake all night? For all of you who have never had the privilege of working while the rest of the world sleeps, I thought I would walk you through the 5 shifts a night shift and give you a little better idea of what it's like. 

Stage 1- I feel good! (7pm-10pm)

Unlike waking up for a day shift (usually somewhere between 5-6am), you usually wake up for a night shift a lot earlier (between 3-4pm). This means that you have a couple hours at home to relax, work out, and eat dinner. You also catch up on the texts and/or calls you received during the day, and try to prepare yourself for the night ahead. 

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I get to work around 7pm hoping for a good night ahead. My families are usually awake so I'm usually running around trying to get all my tasks done before the kids start to fall asleep. That usually takes me till 10 or 11pm when I enter the second stage of night shift. 

Stage 2- Denial, I'm not tired I just think I am (10pm-12am)

After finishing my first round of tasks, I'll sit down to chart and this is when I get my first wave of being tired. But at this point, I'm not even halfway through my shift so I just tell myself "you're not tired, you just think you are; Sarah, you slept all day you're not tired. Most high schoolers and college kids are still up right now! Please girl." I'll usually get a snack, a Sprite, or some fresh ice water to get me through my initial wave of sleepiness. 

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Stage 3- Give me all the food, NOW (12am-3am)

If you've never worked a night shift, you can't know the intense cravings and the utter lack of self control that accompanies working odd hours. I can be a pretty self-controlled person, but once I'm at work on a night shift I'll eat anything and everything without a second thought. 

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Oh you're offering me nachos? Great, I'll have some. Oh there's leftover chocolate from day shift? Don't mind me while I finish it all off. Oh I brought a salad and fruit for lunch? Sounds gross, I'm going to get a BLT at the cafeteria. I will eat anything and everything during a night shift and won't regret it until several hours later when I realize that yes, I did indeed eat three cupcakes. It probably doesn't help that our cafeteria lady at night serves HUGE portions of all things fried and delicious for ridiculously good prices. 

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Of course, you can swing the other way in this stage. Your body can be feeling really whacked out by being awake and you'll get super nauseous and feel lousy. This has happened to me too, but not as much as the intense cravings I get for fried pickles.

Somewhere in this time frame most nurses will take their lunch break which is weird to a lot of people. I usually go in an empty conference room and eat my lunch away from the noise of the unit because at this point I'm feeling "beeped" out. A lot of times I'll lay on the floor for 10-15 minutes because my body at this point is tired of sitting up when it should be laying down. 

Stage 4- I'm going to fall asleep standing up (3am-5am)

This is where the struggle begins. I've affectionately named 3am as "the darkest hour" because that's when I get really sleepy and just want to go home. If you've never almost fallen asleep standing up, try a night shift and you will. During these couple hours it's not uncommon to look over at your coworkers and see them dozing off as they chart away. 

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This time of night is also when you'll bond the most with your coworkers because you'll talk about anything and everything to keep you awake. If you're trying to do anything productive at this point, it's a lost cause because you can hardly remember your own name. 

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Stage 5- Get me out of here NOW (5am-till you go home). 

This can be the longest two hours of the night  your life. It becomes a struggle to get up and go give your last minute medications, draw your final labs, and chart your final things. 15 minutes in this stage will seem to take two hours as you wait for the sun to rise and your coworkers to arrive and relieve you. 

Once you hit 7am and you're handing off your assignment to the next nurse, you'll find yourself fuzzy and only thinking about how long it's going to take you to get into your bed. 

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When you're finally released, you practically run through the hospital doors, slap yourself silly (literally) to stay awake on the drive home, maybe eat breakfast, and collapse into your bed. 

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And let me tell you, there is no sweeter feeling than climbing into bed after a night shift. Think of the best feeling you've ever felt- that doesn't compare to bed after a night shift (I'm not even exaggerating one bit). 

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There you have it- the five stages of working a night shift. There's a whole other side of night shift that comes when you're trying to sleep during the day but that'll be a post for another time. Some people hate night shift, some people love it, and some people (like me) are in between and can't decide how they feel about it. 

Have you ever worked night shift? Do you think you would like it? 

What I Learned When My Patient Fired Me

When I tell others that one time a patient fired me, I usually hear "I didn't even know you could fire your nurse!" Well, you can. It's not very common (at least at my hospital) and I wouldn't recommend it unless you're having a really hard time with your nurse. Sometimes people will ask for a new nurse immediately, and other people will wait until your shift is over and request to not have you again. 

The second situation is more common and is how I got fired. The particular night I got fired was an off night for me. I had just come back from having two weeks off, had a really busy patient assignment, and definitely missed a couple of things that I shouldn't have missed. I did my best to fix what I missed (both things were not a big deal and were fixed a couple hours later), and apologized several times to the mother for my mistake. I almost expected to be fired and, sure enough, when I arrived at work the next evening I learned that the mother had requested not to have me back. This was my first time getting fired (and hopefully my last!) but it taught me three important lessons I hope we all can learn from. 

We all need a little grace. 

Everyone makes mistakes and, though we all know this, it can be hard to remember when those mistakes are concerning you or someone you love. I am so thankful for the grace that Jesus extends to me, but for me extending grace to myself and to others can be a challenge. 

In this situation, I was struggling between learning to give myself a little grace and wishing that the mother had extended me a little bit of grace. Extending grace to others, especially when they hurt us, is so hard yet so necessary. I find that the closer we allow someone in, the harder it is to extend them grace when they hurt us. The next time you have to extend grace to someone around you, remember that should you be in the same situation one day, you would want the same kindness extended to you. We all need a little (or a lot) of grace sometimes; let's be a people willing to give that to each other. 

Learn to forgive yourself

I'm a typical oldest child- driven, type A, and a wanna be perfectionist. Accompanying those traits is the tendency to be really hard on myself. It's much easier for me to ask forgiveness from God or from those I've hurt than to forgive myself. Getting fired was the ultimate test in forgiving myself and letting the situation go. I was reminded in a very real way of my humanity and my inability to be perfect. The following days after getting fired, I learned a lot about the need to forgive myself and remembering that I'm only human. It is certainly easier said than done but there is sweet relief in releasing yourself from the perfectionist standard and forgiving yourself when you make mistakes. God doesn't expect me to be perfect- why do I expect that of myself? 

We can't always please people.

I'm a people pleaser to a fault, so getting fired affected me pretty deeply. I know that I'm a people pleaser and finding the balance between pleasing others but pleasing God first has been a constant challenge for me. I'm the type of person who wants people to like me and the thought of someone not liking me gives me a knots in my stomach. We (I) need to realize that Jesus never lived to please others, but He lived to please His Father. However, I think swinging the complete opposite way of people pleasing and saying "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me" can be damaging as well. 

In this situation, I had to realize that I had done my best and it was the mother's choice to fire me. Often I take the choices of others and blame myself when, in reality, it is their choice. If I took responsibility for everyone's choices, I would have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Jesus never intended me to take this burden upon myself, and I have to remind myself that others have free will and their decisions are not my responsibility. Choosing to take responsibility over my own actions and let go of the decisions that other people make about me is a huge step in getting over the crippling effect that people pleasing can have on me. 

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It's been about a month since I got fired, and I can say that I've forgiven myself and truly let it go. Now it serves as more of a funny story when I tell it in person. It took a couple weeks to get to the point where was able to let it go and not think about it every time I went into work. From that single situation I learned countless lessons on grace, forgiveness, and remembering that if I do my best, the rest is up to God. 

(Sharing on Modest Monday and Tuesday Talk)

Have you ever had a similar experience? What did it teach you? 

Project 12: July

Project 12 is a monthly recap of our lives where I talk about dates, notable events, and other fun things. Summer is just flying by and am I the only one that can't believe it's August already?? 

DATES/TRAVEL

1. Arizona! Going to a resort in Phoenix, Arizona has become a yearly tradition with my husband's family. We went the first week of July and it did not disappoint. It was a week full of reading, relaxing by the pool, naps, and water volleyball. We also gave In-N-Out business err'day. If you have never taken a relax and do nothing vacation, I highly recommend it. It was a much needed break from real life and responsibilities, and we came back refreshed and ready to take on our busy month! 

{This is 90% of what I did on vacation}

{This is the other 10% of what I did on vacation} 

{I think cacti are beautiful!}

2. Camping! Camping in a certain reservoir of Colorado has become a yearly tradition with my family. We rent a boat, go fishing on the lake, spend time around the campfire, and enjoy each other's company. The extra special part of this camping trip is that we went with my parents and my Mom and Dad took it upon themselves to bring all the food and cook most of the time. Can I just say how glorious that was? You don't truly understand the work that goes into camping until your parents aren't doing it for you. 

{I just love this picture of my hubby!}

{It doesn't get more perfect than this}

3. Girl camping. A fellow nurse friend and I both had a random Monday off and decided to go camping. It was the first time that I've done a quick camping trip with a friend like that. When we got to our camp site, we had a blast opening her new fancy tent and exploring all the features it came with, including the collapsible rain flaps. We opened said rain flaps and forgot about them for the next few hours. Over the next few hours we finished setting up camp and cooking dinner over the fire. It was pouring rain almost the entire time and when we finally finished our dinner, we were chilled to the bone and looking forward to our dry tent and clothes. Except... we had forgotten to close the rain flaps and we climbed in the tent only to find two lakes of water on either side. The water had wet part of our bedding and clothes, but there was enough dry stuff that we decided to stick it out the night. We both later admitted that had things been any more wet we would have suggested packing up and heading home. Despite the rain fiasco, we had a great time and would do it again. Moral of the story- DON'T leave your rain flaps open. 

{#selfiewin. Our tripod was the chair}

{It rained and rained. And rained.}

4. Girl time. I was able to bring dinner to my sweet friend who just had the most precious baby. I got to hold her sweet little girl for three hours and loved every minute of it. I will always and forever accept invitations to come snuggle little ones. I was also able to catch up with my old college roommate; we hiked, ate lunch, and shopped a little bit. If you're wondering how good of a shopper I am, just head on over here to find out.

{My former college roommate}

5. Spaghetti Factory. This is probably one of our favorite places to go to dinner, and I've mentioned it before. However, this month was different because I  found out that they are no longer serving my favorite dish. I'm not sure if this is happened to you but it's quite devastating news. It also happened to fall on a day that had been filled with a lot of stress and tears, so it was bad timing. We might be going there less now. How do I get my favorite menu item added back on? Anyone? 

{Downtown Denver during our date}

NOTABLE EVENTS 

1. Alex's first interview for Physician Assistant school. I can't even tell you guys HOW notable this event was. He has dreamed of becoming a PA for over 5 years now, and has worked tirelessly pursuing this dream. Interviewing for acceptance into schools is a step  he has never reached before, and we are praying that it yields fruit. He has 3 more interviews in the next month (that we know of)... if you think of us would you pray? Pray for his actual interviews, and wisdom for us as a couple to be able to make the decisions we need to make. 

{The morning he left. His shirt is for a team in Albuquerque, NM which is where his interview was}

2. I planned my very first bridal shower and bachelorette party. I have never done this; I've only watched my mom plan about a dozen baby showers and helped plan a couple bridal events but I've never been the one in charge. All I can say, is MAJOR PROPS to all y'all who are good at it and enjoy it (Mom, I'm talking to you). While I was honored to be in the spot where I plan everything, it was also a lot of hard work and something that I'm not really made for. That being said, I'm pretty proud of how everything turned out, and knowing my friend enjoyed her weekend made it all worth it (look for a post recapping the events in the next couple weeks). 

{The beautiful bride}

3. The fulfillment of a dream I've had since I'm 15 years old happened this month. I can't tell you what it is yet, but I'll hopefully be making the official announcement in the month of September. I'll be announcing it on Facebook and Instagram first, so follow me there if you're not already. Sorry to leave you hanging, but I promise it's exciting news and will be worth the wait. 

DISCOVERIES

1. The ability to make a decision is vital. And I'm not talking about whether you want pizza or pasta for dinner. I'm talking decisions that affect other people and life changing decisions. I'm currently reading "The Best Yes" by Lisa TerKeust (more on this book next month), and it is so good because it addresses how as women we are often unable to be decisive. She explains how this impacts our lives, our walks with the Lord, and more importantly examines how to be in a position to make good and godly decisions. As I planned the bridal shower and bachelorette parties, I was forced to be the decisive one. This put me considerably out of my comfort zone, but also reinforced the lessons I'm learning in my book. I was also forced to make a life changing decision during the middle of the month in a relatively short amount of time. Had I not been reading this book, spending time in the Word, and seeking godly counsel, this decision would have been a lot harder to make. 

{Time with Jesus at the airport}

BOOKS & MOVIES 

-MOVIES-

Max. This Disney movie is about a soldier's dog who is taken out of active duty and has a hard time adjusting to a regular life. It was one of those lovely feel good movies (thanks Disney), that had a sweet story line. At the end of the movie they explained all the roles that dogs have played in our military throughout the years- it was really interesting to learn about all of it. If you're looking for a solid family friendly movie to watch with your kids or spouse, this is the one. 

-BOOKS-

Rescuing Ruby by Linny Lee Saunders. This was by far my favorite book in a long time- I read it in less than 24 hours! The author is the wife of the pastor that pastored at a church I went to in high school, and the story details the miraculous rescue of their youngest daughter, Ruby. When Linny's husband, Dwight, and daughter, Emma, discovered Ruby on a missions trip to Uganda, she was 13 months old and weighed only six pounds. Six pounds you guys. Many newborns are six pounds or even more. Everything that is known about medicine to this day said that this little girl should not have survived, yet today she is a thriving toddler that is hardly recognizable from her first picture (the cover on the book). This story tells of the power of God and will inspire your own journey to a deeper faith and a stronger prayer life. I could hardly recommend a book more- order your own copy on Amazon. 

{This is one of the few books that I've actually purchased. I'm more of a library gal.}

The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jaime Ford. This is a historical fiction novel recommended to me by a friend at work. Historical fiction is usually not my thing but the captivating story about a Chinese boy and his love for a Japanese girl (something that was strictly looked down upon at the time) kept me interested. I learned a lot about the tensions that were around in the time of World War II, and there was just enough romance and suspense to keep the book moving along at a good pace. If you're one for historical fiction or just a good romance, this one is for you. 

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman. This book was recommended to me by a coworker and is the true story of a young Hmong girl, her experience with American doctors, and the clash of two cultures. The young girl, Lia, was diagnosed with epilepsy at a very young age and was subsequently in and out of the hospital most of her life. In the Lia's Hmong culture, seizures were viewed as a holy experience in which she encountered gods and other spirits; essentially, her seizures were a privilege. Lia's doctors prescribed medications to stop her seizures, but her parents wouldn't give the medication as directed because seizures were seen as a good thing. This book details the drastic collision of cultures, and gave me a completely new perspective on providing culturally competent care. If you're in the medical profession, I can't recommend this book enough because it shows you how going the extra mile to understand a patient's culture will make a difference. In Lia's case, it was the difference between life and death.  

Brain on Fire by Susannah Cahalan. This is a true story about the author, Susannah, and the month where she went mad. She went from a successful woman in her twenties to being completely delusional in a short time. The period of delusions lasted for well over a month, and the author remembers none of it. Through interviews with her doctors, family, and looking through her own medical records, Susannah recreates her story of diagnosis and recovery from a rare autoimmune disorder. I loved this book- it was fascinating, and the part I found the most interesting was that I had a patient with the same diagnosis as the author. Susannah's case was not diagnosed quickly and, as a result, spent three years before she was fully recovered. My patient was diagnosed within a week and was out of the hospital (completely normal and recovered) a week later. Even if you're not a medical person, this is a fascinating read. 

SOME FAVORITES

I'm so very thrilled for my blogger friend and her big news. 

The thought and post by a dear blogger friend about how we need to be more interruptible. Meaning that we need to slow down, and look for the opportunities to be Jesus to those around us. I know I'm guilty of always rushing around, and the thought of "being more interruptible" has stuck with me. 

We use credit cards, and I'm actually a big fan of them... IF (and that's a big if), you know how to use them right. My friend Amanda shared some great tips for using credit cards without going into debt.

By far my most popular and shared post ever was published this month. I wrote a letter to the parents of my patients and it was one of those posts that I wrote in just minutes. It's truly from the heart and something that I think about every day and wish all my patients' parents knew. 

How was your July? Is making decisions easy or hard for you? 

Dear Parent... love, your child's nurse

     

Dear parent, 

I am your child's nurse and I just want to thank you for letting me take care of them. I know that you love your kid almost more than you love yourself and it's hard to trust a complete stranger with their care. Whatever circumstance brought you here, I'm sorry that it did. Whether you showed up in blood stained clothes without even a toothbrush, or have been preparing for this hospitalization for months, I'm sorry your kid has to be laying in that hospital bed. I see the stress in your eyes--you're weary, you're tired, and this is all so unknown. 

I'm not a parent so I can't say I know what you're feeling. But what I can say is something that I truly hope you understand. I hope that you know that I care deeply about your child. The only person that wants to see them get better and leave this hospital more than I do is you. I chose to do this job and I love it. Contrary to popular belief, I don't love it because I get to poke and prod and see gross things. I love it because of the smile that your child might share with me. I love it because in one of your worst moments as a parent I can offer you a cup coffee or a tall glass of water. I love it because I know that I played a part in seeing that your son or daughter walks out of those hospital doors healthy again. I love what I do and I hope you realize how much I truly care for your child. 

I admire you Mom and Dad. You are enduring one of the hardest things a parent has to go through. Whether you're handling it well or not, I know that it's incredibly difficult for you. I know that you're worried about your other kids at home, your kid in front of you, and how you're going to manage to pay for it all. I know that you're stressed about two thousand things that I have no clue about, and I get that sometimes that will come out as frustration towards me. I see you crying and it breaks my heart. You may not see my tears, but I promise you that, later, the inside of my car will. 

I understand your frustration and tears are often validated, and I hope you understand that I am not the bad guy. I am often the middle man taking orders from doctors and trying to explain them to you as best I can when they fail to make sense. My heart sinks as much as yours does when I find out that I have to poke your child yet again, but I also understand the importance of what this test will show us so I do it anyway. I know that your child getting rest is important, but I also know that monitoring his vital signs and making him turn so I can see his dressing are just as important. So I wake them up anyway. 

All that being said, I don't know everything and I appreciate when you realize this in a gentle way. Please speak up if you think that I'm doing something wrong- more than one parent has caught a mistake by saying something. The doctors and us nurses are far from perfect and we want you to speak up on behalf of your child. If something we said does not make sense, tell us. If you think that medication that I'm about to give is not being given at the right time, tell me. Yes, it is my job to double check all these things but I have and will continue to make mistakes. 

If you think something is not right with your child say something-even if you can't put your finger on what is wrong.  I will call the doctor for you and do as much as I can to alleviate your concern. That being said, if it's the middle of the night and it's a concern that can be addressed in the morning, please don't make me call the doctor and wake them up. They will be much better prepared to take care of your child if they got uninterrupted sleep the night before. 

I guess the last thing I really hope you would understand is that we're a team. And I don't mean me the nurse and the doctor (though we are). I mean me, the nurse, and you, mom and dad. We're a team- you want to see your child get better and so do I. That means I will respect and help your child, but I would ask that you do the same for me. Please know that I would love to help change your child's gown that he just threw up on, but I may not make it into the room right away because I'm calling the ICU on my other patient who can't breathe. I know that your child needs Tylenol and I promise I will bring it into him as soon as I finish taking care of my patient that is actively seizing in front of me. Your goal and my goal is the same- to get your child out of the hospital as soon as we can. If that means he needs to get out of bed, then I will get him out of bed. If that means he needs to get a suppository (every teenage boy's worst nightmare), then I will give that suppository. If that means getting them to drink 10 ounces of juice or water then I will decorate a cup just for them in hopes that it will get them to drink. I don't want your child to suffer any more than they have to, but if I need to do the hard thing to help them get better, I will. I totally get it when you want me to be the bad guy to your child so that you can be the one who comforts them. But just know that when you go home, you may have to be the bad guy so that you don't land up back in the emergency room. If you're willing to sometimes be the bad guy in the hospital, I can all but guarantee you that you will get home sooner and be more likely to stay home. 

Every time, I walk into the wing of the hospital, I promise to give 100% to your child for the 13 hours I am there. I know that you are willing to give 100% to your child too. Just realize that sometimes this means cuddles, sometimes this means forcing medicine in them or holding them down for a poke, but usually it means both. You and me working together will help get your child home sooner than I'll be able to do on my own. 

Your child matters so much. They are a sibling, a child, a friend, and a simply precious gift. They are more than a patient in the bed, and I celebrate their victories (almost) as much as you do. Whether that means taking their first step again, or taking their Tylenol for the first time, I rejoice with you. 

This hospital is not where kids should be. But life happens, and a good handful will land up among our brightly colored walls. Mom and Dad, let me help you get them back into the world where they belong. I am on your team, I am on your child's team, and I care more than you will ever know. 

Thank you for trusting me with your most precious, thank you for helping me do my job by questioning me, supporting me, and knowing that I am not the bad guy. I know you'll do your best- so will I. Let's get your child home, where they belong. 

Love, your child's nurse. 

5 Things I Swore I Would Never Do... and Did.

Are there things in your life that you swore you would never do and later landed up doing? I know that I've had quite a few of these moments, and I think life has a funny way of showing us "You want to bet?" Down below, you'll see a list of my five things that I swore I'd never do... and did. 

1.Be a nurse 

I come from a long line of nurses and doctors. My Grandma was a nurse for 40 years and I remember staying home from school with her when I was sick. She would always ask me, "Sarah do you feel like vomiting?" I would tell her, "Grandma, first it's called puking not vomiting, and second why do you care so much?" My brothers and I would cough once and Grandma would immediately ask, "Are you coming down with a cold?" No Grandma, I just swallowed something wrong. I still remember her giving my Dad penicillin shots in the back bedroom, and the stories she would tell were absolutely revolting. I swore that I would never become a nurse- gross! 

{this was my first day as a real nurse!}

15 years later and I am a registered nurse that uses the word vomit on a regular basis and tells my fair share of gross stories at the dinner table. Alex starts sniffling and I ask him if he's catching a cold. I became my Grandma, even though I swore I never would be. {More on nursing here}. 

2. Get married before I was 28 

One of the first blog posts I ever wrote talked about how I had my life planned out from the time I was 18 until I was 28. My plans included going to nursing school, working as a nurse overseas, going to grad school to become a nurse practitioner, and getting married no sooner than age 28.

Once again, God showed me that he had different plans for my life and I found myself tying the knot when I was barely 22. This six year difference was a huge change that both my parents and I had to accept. My prior planning and set wedding age partially explains why Alex and I dated for 3 years  and knew each other for 4 before getting married. I don't regret getting married at 22 at all, and when the day came I was absolutely ready for it. A series of miracles (that you can start reading here), served to show me that my wedding day was chosen and ordained for me long before I was even born. I laugh at my 18 year old foolishness in thinking that I could plan my life down to the year, and I try to remember that when I get ahead of myself now and try to put a timeline on kids, graduate school, and houses. 

3. Never play the piano {again}

Y'all I was a rebel. I had started taking piano lessons when I was 5, and somewhere in the next 6 years gotten good enough that my parents (especially my Dad) really enjoyed it when I played. However, when I turned 11 (my rebellious year), I swore off playing the piano ever again. Not because I didn't enjoy it- I did enjoy it. But my Dad enjoyed it too, and in one of my biggest acts of rebellion to date, I swore off playing the piano so that my Dad wouldn't be able to enjoy me playing. 

Terrible right? I held true to that promise and for an entire year our piano stayed untouched. But then I got the wisdom of a 12 year old and started playing again and haven't stopped since. I was lucky enough to accompany my high school choir on certain pieces and even got paid in college to accompany a couple of plays. Now, I spend a lot more time blogging than I do playing the piano but I know it will always be there when I decide to come back to it {you can hear a clip of me playing here}. 

4. Live in a big city 

I grew up in small town Colorado. The town I grew up in was about 15,000 people and I lived 45 minutes away from there on 35 acres with a driveway that has made more than one grown man cry. Growing up I loved the stars and stillness that came with living in the country, but hated how long it would take to get home and how hard it was to get together with friends. Despite my love-hate relationship with rural living, I could never ever see myself living in a big city. When I moved to Colorado Springs in 2009 for college, I figured that this would be the biggest I would get. 440,000 people and traffic jams {not caused by tractors} took awhile to get used to. The thought of living in a bigger city never appealed to me and I swore I would never do it.

Fast forward five years later where I found myself moving to Denver, the capital of Colorado, and a city of 650,00 (not including surrounding suburbs). In a matter of years I had traded stars for skyscrapers in my night skyline and the smell of exhaust for the smell of sagebrush. I used to barely be able to get the Denver Nuggets basketball games to come in on my radio as I did my homework at home, and now I lived half an hour away from the stadium. While I will say that living in a big city has been an adjustment, moving to Denver has been a really good move and Alex and I have enjoyed ourselves a lot. While I don't see myself settling down in a place this big, it has been really fun for this stage in our lives and once again I learned to never say never. 

5. Go camping or hiking by choice 

As a born and raised Coloradoan, this may surprise you but I hated hiking and camping when I was younger. My family did it a lot so you think that I would have learned to love it. I usually found myself lonely on camping trips- my brothers would do their thing, my parents would be old and nap, and I would be left on my own to read or find something else to do. 

I didn't get the point of hiking- I saw it as a lot of walking for nothing. Then one summer, my family went hiking, got caught in the pouring rain, and my mom and I got separated from my Dad and brothers. Several hours later, we reunited and made it back to the car soaking wet and hungry. That was the last straw for me. I vowed I would never ever choose to put myself through the misery of camping or hiking.

{this was me at the top of my first 14er- a mountain over 14,000 feet}

Fast forward a decade and camping is one of my favorite things to do. There is something about the smell of pines and campfire smoke, the rawness of not showering and sleeping on the dirt that I love. Last summer was the first time I had gone camping without my Mom and I realized how much hard work it is (trying to remember to pack soap, paper towels, and cooking utensils is exhausting!) Maybe it's because I live in the city now or maybe it's because now I have a camping buddy (Alex), that it's grown on me. Maybe it's because I've traveled the world and come to realize that Colorado is just as pretty as almost any other place out there. Regardless, I'm now a camper and the hiking part of me is coming along. Never say never my friends. 

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My whole life has been full of my plans that have changed and redirected in ways that I could have never expected. The Bible says that "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps" (Proverbs 16:9). Ain't that the truth? Be careful with what you wish for or don't wish for friends- you might get just the opposite :) 

What things have you swore you would never do and did? Have you learned (like I have) that life doesn't go as planned?

{Linking up for Tuesday Talk at Sweet Little Ones Blog!}

5 Things I've Learned From Nursing... that you should know too

Nursing is a job that plops you intimately into people's lives. Often you enter in at very difficult and stressful times, presenting itself with difficulties as well as many opportunities to show compassion and love. Nursing has opened my eyes to so many things and, in some respects, has completely shifted the way I view the world. I thought I would share the five most valuable lessons that nursing has taught me because they're all lessons we need to learn.

1. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
I don't think I have found anything more true than this statement, and I think it's something we (myself included) easily forget. When I walk in a patient's room, what I see before me is a family- a child and their parents. The kid is being a kid; he watches cartoons to distract himself from the fact that he's in a hospital room. The parents make small talk with me about the weather and the food.

What I don't see until I open up that patient's chart is the fact that the cartoon-loving boy has fought seizures for ten years without much success. What I don't see is mom and dad struggling through an internal battle as they decide between the safe option or the risky one that may save their child's life.

We cannot see the pain that others face. That rude cashier at the store? She's taking care of her dying mother at home. That woman that just cut you off in traffic? She just found out her 8-year old has terminal cancer and has months to live.

I'm not excusing bad behavior, and it's no fun when people are downright mean. But next time someone irks you, remember that they are fighting a battle you know nothing about. Give them the grace that you hope to one day receive yourself if you were in their situation.

2. Asking someone if they are thinking about killing themselves may be the most important question you will ever ask. 
If there was one thing I learned from my mental health rotation in nursing school it's this: if you are concerned that someone is contemplating suicide, always find the courage to ask. 

My mental health professor told a story in which she had a gut feeling that one of her neighbors was contemplating suicide. My professor didn't know her that well, and was scared to ask the lady if she was thinking about killing herself... so she didn't ask. Less than 24 hours later, police found the neighbor dead, hanging in her closet. This happened 30 years ago- and my professor still can't tell the story without tears streaming down her face.

If you are concerned that someone is thinking about suicide, ASK THEM. It's scary, hard to do, and really uncomfortable. I know this, because I've had to ask it. And PLEASE for a second don't believe that by asking them, you will be giving them the idea of committing suicide. This common misconception couldn't be farther than the truth.

If you are concerned to the point that you are considering asking someone if they are thinking about killing themselves, there is almost 100% chance that the person you are going to ask has already thought about it. You will not be giving them the idea. Trust me, you won't. There are countless stories about people who didn't go through with their suicide plan because someone saw them, asked them about it, and got them help.

I firmly believe that if more of us were willing to ask this question and commit to getting our friends and family help, the number of suicides would drastically go down in America. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. Be that person who hears them.

3. We're all human. 
Medicine is a wonderful thing that is saving lives every day. But what people tend to forget is that doctors and nurses are humans too and we have the capability to make mistakes. We are trained to be careful, vigilant, and double check everything we do. Our mistakes hold more weight, and that's why we all hope and pray that we don't make one. But no matter how many double checks are done, mistakes happen. We feel awful when they happen, and some of us may never even forgive ourselves.

Realizing my own humanity means that I can more easily forgive others for their mistakes. I am not in any way excusing the mistakes I make, but I am grateful for those that show grace to me when I do make them. I try and turn around and show grace to those around me- whether it be a friend who unintentionally wrongs me, a restaurant that gets my order wrong, or someone that cuts me off in traffic.

4. The human spirit is resilient. 
If there is one thing that has wowed me over and over again in the field of nursing, it's the absolute resilience of the human spirit. I see families struck by tragedy come together and become better for it. I see parents with very sick children, turn around and be incredibly kind and patient to everyone around them.

What does this mean for you? It means that you need not fear. There is no need to fear tragedy, death, or pain because beauty always arises from these circumstances. Do we hope for such things to happen to us? Absolutely not. But do we fear the occurrence of such events? No, because if such thing were to happen us, we would be given the strength that we need to handle it. The human spirit is resilient, yours included.

5. Never ever judge a book by its' cover. 
I have seen the most normal of looking families be absolutely sour and rude to nurses, doctors, and everyone around them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've seen parents with green hair, 30 tattoos, and a dozen piercings come in and be the most delightful people to work with.

I am not in any way equating tattoos, piercings, and colored hair with bad parents or bad people for that matter. All I'm saying is that my first impression of a person is almost always wrong. I've learned this over and over in my job and I try and let this translate into my personal life.

You don't know a person until you sit down with them and hear about their life. You can't know a person until you spend some time with them. Let us be a people that assume the best of people, not the worst. Let us be a people that first inclines a listening ear instead of a turned up nose. 

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What lessons has your job taught you? If you're a nurse, what else would you add?

Developing a Work-Life Balance

As I have transitioned into the work phase of my life, I have had to adjust to a number of things, the main thing being a developing a work-life balance. When one starts into the work force we are often prepared to work the long hours, go the extra mile, and take all the grunt tasks to “get ahead”. In trying to get ahead, I’m afraid many of us struggle with finding a work-life balance. We work hard because we’re trying to prove to ourselves, to our superiors, and to those around us that we can do this. A handful of us work hard because we enjoy our jobs, we feel needed, and we fill fulfilled. I would classify myself in both categories- I love my job, I feel fulfilled in what I do, but I also wanted to prove (to myself more than anyone) that I am a good nurse.

Part of what made developing a work-life balance difficult was there are many times when I feel like what I am doing at work is so much more valuable than time spent with family or time spent with friends. My Dad spent years working at an orphanage in Mexico, and my mom later told me that when he was raising us kids sometimes he felt like he wasn't doing much “good” because he was no longer helping the orphans. His sister reminded him that he is doing the most important job there is in raising his own kids, but I often wonder how many of us feel like my Dad? How many of us feel more useful and needed in our jobs than at home? Maybe we think that by focusing in on our time with family and friends that we are being selfish. I would argue just the opposite. You may feel needed at work but you really are needed at home too. The time you spend investing in those closest to you and the breaks that you should give yourself are what allow you to be effective in your day job.

In this first year and a half of being in the work force I've learned that more important than working hard in my career is learning to balance my work with other responsibilities. I've had to learn that my purpose is greater than my job, and that my purpose can include time spent with family and friends.

Both the family I was born into and the family I married into have been great examples of what it looks like to have a good work-life balance. Both families viewed (and still view) work as something that was necessary, working hard was a good thing, but family and relationships trumped all.

I've also spent some time in the last year and a half examining what this work-life balance looked like for Jesus. If we examine His life a little closer, He spent the first 30 years of his life developing relationships with his family and friends in preparation for his public ministry. During the times of His public ministry we know that he had a close relationship with his mother and we see how much time he spent with his family (the disciples). He spent a large majority of his time pouring into his disciples' lives, ministering to them, and then he took his ministry public.

Time with friends and family can feel selfish or fruitless, but something about this time spent nurturing relationships of those closest to us in turn provides us with strength that we may have not had otherwise. The time we spend outside of work can truly help us do our job better when we are at work. This time outside of work can easily be devalued if we’re constantly checking our work email, thinking about work, and doing tasks that really should only be done at work. There is much to be said for truly “leaving work at work”.

This work-life balance looks different for different people and may even look different depending on the part of the world you live in. For me, the work-life balance includes a few deliberate choices. I have chosen not to have my work email connected to my phone- nothing is going to happen if I get back to someone in a couple of days instead of a couple of minutes. This is something I really struggled with when I started my job- I was new and wanted to be professional and prompt so  I connected my email to my phone. I soon realized that this was causing me to think about work outside of work way more than I should have, and I was stressing about things that I read in my email without even having to set foot in the hospital. Disconnecting my work email was one of the best things I've ever done in achieving a work-life balance.

I also practice a few mental techniques to help me leave work at work. I have a 5 minute walk from the hospital to the car and during this time I imagine myself holding two suitcases, one in each hand. Each suitcase holds the bits and pieces of the day I just worked. As I walk towards my car I imagine myself dropping each suitcase on the ground and leaving all of my day on the grounds of the hospital. If a particular part of my day stays in my head on the drive home, I think about it during my drive and then pretend that I’m locking up that situation in my car as I lock the car doors to go inside my apartment.

In a job that’s filled with human connection and personal exposure into people’s (often sad) life stories, I’m not always good at leaving everything at work. Sometimes I walk through the door and have to unload my day on Alex (bless his heart). The verbal processing is sometimes the only way I can get over my day but  I also try not to make it a habit. Sometimes talking through my day will actually make it a lot worse and it’s easier if I leave things unsaid and keep my house a safe work-free zone.

The main way that I keep a healthy work-life balance is by making the most of my days off. This means taking time to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. Some days this means that the house isn't cleaned and dinner is frozen pizza. This means taking time to meet with friends and putting in the effort to hang out with someone. This means taking time to connect with family whether it’s dinner together or Facetime. This means taking time to invest in my two most important relationships that I have- getting in the Word with my guy Jesus, and having date nights with my guy Alex.

By disconnecting myself, using imagery techniques, and making the most of my days off, I feel like I’ve developed a healthy work-life balance. Work is work. It is not and should not be the only thing that defines you or the only thing in life that gives you purpose. You were given the people around you for a reason, and the strength you gain outside of your work day by investing in these relationships will make you ten times more effective at your job. Finding a work-life balance is vital in this life journey; it’s a process but it’s a process that will contribute to your health, your peace, and your overall happiness in this life.

Have you ever struggled finding a healthy work-life balance?  What are some ways that you have developed a healthy mix of the two?

**Sometimes out of work obligations are just as stressful (or more stressful) than work obligations- come back next week for a followup post on balancing life demands**