Wedding Wednesday: Don't Forget the Thank You

In this Wedding Wednesday series so far we've covered how to set priorities for your wedding, how to make decisions without becoming bridezilla, and 5 things you don't really need at your wedding. 

Today, is a topic that I think applies for all of life, not just your wedding. It's the subject of saying thank you. I used to think that it should go without saying that you send thank you notes after your wedding. Lately, I've been to a couple weddings where we didn't receive thank you notes later and I'm wondering if the tradition of handwritten thank you notes is becoming a lost art? 

Writing thank you notes is tedious (We had 100+ to write and it took a long time), but it is so important. Think about it- would your day have been as special if no one showed up? You may not like the gift they got you, but they were there celebrating with you, and that in itself is worthy of a thanks. I can't emphasize enough the importance of sending thank you notes. 

Maybe you're stuck on what to say? I first started by thanking them for coming, and then followed that up with thanking them for the gift they gave us. If you need a little more direction, this awesome template by Tyler should give you some great ideas! 

Maybe you're tired of spending money on your wedding and don't feel like you have room in your budget for thank you cards and postage. I think that saying thank you is important enough that you allot money for thank you notes when you first create your budget. A lot of times, thank you notes will come with your invitations. If they don't come with your invitations you can buy some in bulk, or do what we did. We created a thank you post card (they're pictured in this post); we originally had planned on taking a picture on our wedding day with signs that said "Thank You" but that detail got missed so we just added "Thank You" over one of our photographs. We bought the postcards in bulk online for super cheap and were able to save even more money on postage because postcard postage is cheaper than regular postage. If you are worried about money, postcard thank you notes are definitely the most affordable way to go.

I find that a little effort goes a long way when it comes to thank you notes. Your guests will appreciate the time and effort it takes you to send a handwritten note. It's worth the time- I promise. 

Do you think writing thank you notes is important? What are other things that might get in the way of sending out a handwritten note?

5 things you don't REALLY need at your wedding

Now let me start this post by saying... the following 5 things are things I personally felt like weren't necessary. They saved me stress and money, and I don't think my guests missed them at all!

If you choose to have these things- more power to ya! There's no judgement here- just things I felt that worked for us, that saved us worry and allowed us to spend money on things we really found important.

Like food.

We also had a fairly large wedding (approx. 170 guests), and we were buying things in large quantities, thus we tried to save where we could.

So, anyway lets get going on the 5 things you don't really need at your wedding

1. A seating chart 

Why stress yourself out trying to decide which great aunt twice removed has to sit next to crazy great uncle on your fiance's side? If there are less people at one table, and 20 people crammed around another one, who cares? Your guests are probably stoked that they can sit with people they know and actually like, and you're stoked because that's one less thing you have to worry about!

2. Tablecloths that match the shape of your table 

Let me explain this one. If you are renting a venue that provides the tables, they'll likely provide the tablecloths and you can skip to the next point. 

If you're like me and had to get tables and tablecloths separately, you have a couple of options. You could

 #1 Spend a fortune renting round table cloths. We're talking $8-12 per tablecloth (minimum) and   depending on how many tables you have, you can easily rack up a couple hundred dollar bill paying for something people are just going to spill their food on.

#2 Plastic table cloths- not a bad option (I had a friend do it and it worked great!), but I personally     wanted to leave the "cloth" in "tablecloth".

#3 Skip the table cloths and tell your photographer that their job description now includes not shooting the tables... or using magic editing powers to erase the (potentially) ugly table surface out. 

#4 Or you have option #4 which I personally thought was brilliant and saved us over $100! We         decided that we would rent square table cloths big enough to cover the round tables. We were able to rent these from a restaurant supply store (wayyyyy cheaper than wedding rental places) for about $4. 

Now I wasn't sure about this plan at first so I did what any normal person needing to make a decision would do... I googled it. And I found dozens of opinions saying that this option was incredibly tacky and to never do it. Well I decided to do it anyway, and it worked awesome! You couldn't even tell the difference with all the chairs put up against the table, and I have yet to have a guest bring up the issue of square table cloths on round tables at my wedding.

(Our dining room before it was decorated. I think the tablecloths totally worked!)

3. Real silverware and/or plates 

A lot of times your caterer will provide silverware/plates... if that's the case-great! Move along to point 4. 

If you have to figure out your own plate situation like we did, let me tell you paper plates and plastic silverware is the way to go! You can always splurge and get the nicer looking stuff, but people are going to care much more about what's ON the plate than the actual plate itself... wouldn't you agree?

(Note the plastic silverware and plates. We also brought a few empty mason jars and had my bridesmaids stick their bouquets in them for the table decorations). 

4. Super fancy, intricate, beautiful, and expensive invitations 

I LOVE some of the gorgeous invitations that we have gotten and that we saw when we were doing our own invite shopping. But for us, paying $1.50-$2.00 per invite plus postage for 200+ people just wasn't going to fly. My brother-in-law landed up designing the invitations himself and we print and cut them ourselves. Though I don't necessarily recommend a DIY approach to invites (especially if you're doing over 100), I DO recommend not spending a lot of money on them because... lez-be-honest... who doesn't just throw them in the trash after the wedding is over? 

5. Hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of flowers 

Now flowers are BEAUTIFUL and I LOVE them as much as the next girl, but this is one place that can really getcha when you're trying to plan a budget friendly wedding. 

I was fortunate enough to have an extremely talented cousin who made our arrangements with flowers we'd bought from Sam's Club. I highly recommend this route- buy your flowers wholesale and try to find someone to make your bouquets for you (paying them will still be less than a florist), or maybe teach yourself and your gals (hello YouTube tutorials) and throw a little bouquet making party the day before the wedding!

If you decide to go to the florist to avoid the hassle mentioned above- keep it simple! Do bouquets for the girls, boutonnieres for the guys and call it a day! Buying flowers that are in season or cheaper to begin with can really help you out too. 

Flowers can empty your wallet really quick if you do flower centerpieces. Instead of flowers, get creative and do non-flower options. For a fall wedding, scatter fall leaves. For a rustic wedding, place small logs with a candle on top. Try candles on top of a mirror with fake rose petals scattered around.

(Our centerpieces)

OR do what my brilliant friend did... get some interesting shaped bowls at a discount store and fill them up with chips. Add a bowl of salsa and a bottle of wine (depending on your budget) next to it and, voila! You have a centerpiece that your guests can eat... because if they're anything like me, that's all they want to do anyway. 

If your church/venue needs decorating, sometimes you can get lucky and time your wedding around a holiday (say Christmas or Easter), and the church may already have decorations (i.e. flowers) in place. 

If not, tulle bows on pews, arrangements of fake flowers, or easy DIY decorations like the cross and hearts made by my parents below would suffice.

Lights strung behind tulle or clear glasses/jars filled with ornaments or other decorative items could also be cheap options.

(Note the lights behind the tulle)

All of this is to say that a little brainstorming and creativity can save you literally HUNDREDS on your wedding. Some days I got caught up in wanting every little detail that I saw on Pinterest in my wedding. Not only did I not have the budget for it, it stressed me out! 

Just remind yourself of the priorities that you have set for your wedding (more on how we did this here) and let go of the rest.Trust me- you'll be happier, less stressed and you will still absolutely have the wedding of your dreams! 

Much love and happy wedding planning!

What other things do you think aren't really needed at weddings? Or can be skipped to be friendlier on the budget? 

Making Decisions Without Becoming Bridezilla

(this picture was taken following a bridal shower game where they had to put my

 make up on...blind folded)

As I began my wedding journey about two years ago, I remember telling my mom, "Mom I do NOT want to be a bridezilla!"

In fact I watched dozens of "Bridezillas" episodes on Netflix so I could see what not to do. So when I told my mom this, I expected her to respond "Yeah I don't want you to be a bridezilla either." {Actually, what I really wanted her to say was "Of course you won't be a bridezilla, Sarah! You're too sweet, patient, gentle, and kind for that!" hah. }

What she really said turned out to be some of the best advice that I ever got while I was wedding planning. She told me,

"Sarah, you may have to be a bridezilla at points. You're going to have everyone telling you what they think you should do, and eventually you're going to have to decide what you want to do, and how you want to do it." 

Now, when my mom said this she didn't mean be a bridezilla in the sense that I be a super rude, super self-absorbed demanding princess. What she meant was, it was my wedding, and that ultimately I (and Alex) would have to decide what we wanted for our special day. 

However long you spend wedding planning, whether it be 3 weeks or 3 years... you will find about 2.4 million different opinions about how weddings should be done. Chances are, you'll disagree with a few of the ideas.  

And thus presents the opportunity to be a "bridezilla". You need to be able to stick to your guns and make decisions in order that your wedding is what you dream it to be; not what your great aunt twice-removed dreams it to be. But it is possible to make these decisions as a bride without letting the "zilla" take over. 

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First of all, decide on your priorities for your wedding with your soon to be hubby. More on how we did this here. Setting priorities is vital in your quest to have a smooth wedding planning experience. It helps you focus on what you really want and this helps you stick to your guns when people suggest otherwise. It also keeps you from getting too unrealistic with your expectations. 

Second, keep your expectations in check. This was probably the hardest thing for me to do. I'm a perfectionist so when life happened and people did things that I didn't expect, I got frustrated. Keep your expectations in check by talking your frustrations through with someone you trust (for me it was both my mom and Alex). If you have expectations that are realistic of your gals, the guys in the wedding, or different family members... STATE those expectations. The people in your life need to know what you want and need from them and no matter how hard you try, they probably won't be able to read your mind. Stating your expectations will prevent a lot of misunderstandings from happening.  

**side note: expectations (and those that are unmet) can become a big deal in marriage so if you can figure out how to manage them appropriately during your wedding planning, you'll be that much better off when you're officially married! 

Third, learn how to politely stick to your guns. A phrase that worked for me was something like... 

"That sounds like a beautiful idea but Alex and I have decided that this {insert what you're planning on doing} is how we're going to celebrate our day." 

The person making the suggestion may still disagree and try to convince you otherwise, but if it's something important to you then continue to be polite in your refusal... eventually they'll get the point. Sometimes changing the subject to something going on in their life (a new job, grandkid etc.) was the best way to divert attention from my wedding. 

*****

In all of this remember that it's okay to fight for what you want on your special day... after all, it's the only one you get. 

But in your bridezilla moments that are okay to have, remember to be kind, keep your expectations realistic, and at the end of the day remember the most important thing of all... 

you'll soon be married to your best friend, and that is really what matters! 

Much love and happy wedding planning! 

How to Set Priorities For Your Wedding

I've been married for a year and a half now but still remember my wedding and the process leading up to it like it was yesterday. I've had a handful of posts written on wedding planning and how to go about it in the least stressful way. Now that wedding season is approaching again, I decided I would go ahead and publish them on a series I've affectionately named Wedding Wednesdays. For the next few Wednesdays I'll be sharing my experiences, tips, and ideas for wedding planning. I hope you find my experiences helpful, and for those of you already marrieds- chime in with words of wisdom! 

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We had some good friends get married about four months before us, and were consequently a few steps ahead of us in the wedding planning process. As we began to plan our own wedding, they wisely suggested that we set priorities for our wedding. It was probably one of the wisest pieces of advice we got during the entire process so I'm going to explain how we did it, in hopes that you will do it too! 

1. Sit down separately and write down the top three things you want in your wedding. 

Alex and I each sat down separately (we didn't want to influence the other's decisions), and wrote down our top three things that we valued at our wedding. For me, I wrote down the top three things I wanted at the ceremony, top three things I wanted at the reception, and the top three things I wanted for the entire wedding. I know this technically adds up to nine things, but it was easier for me to organize my thoughts doing it that way. 

In a culture of Pinterest perfect weddings, you are led to believe that every little detail has to be important. While the little details are important, you should be able to determine what things are more important to you than others. My lists are down below and should give you an idea of what I'm talking about when setting priorities. 

Top 3 priorities for the ceremony: 

1. Communion (I really wanted Communion)

2. First look be when I look down the aisle (I was adamant about this one from the beginning)

3. Washing of the feet (I had seen this done once before and loved the symbolism behind it) 

Top 3 priorities for the reception: 

1. Good dancing/music (I think the dance makes or breaks the wedding reception so this was my #1)

2. People to enjoy themselves (this equated to no seating plan because who likes sitting with strangers??) 

3. Good food 

Top 3 priorities for entire wedding: 

1. That the Lord would be glorified throughout the day

2. That the day would be low-stress and that I would remember that at the end of the day I would be married to my best friend 

3. Pretty location 

2. Sit down and compare lists with your fiance 

Once you have your list, sit down and compare it with the list that your fiance. Ladies, I'll say it once and I hope you hear me. It is your wedding. But it is also 100% your man's wedding too. That means he does and should get a say. I know most people lean towards the bride getting her way, but don't forget your guy only gets one wedding too and it should be something he enjoys too.

I've heard of guys whose wives didn't listen to them at all when planning their wedding, and it caused a lot of resentment later on. Girls, let your guy have a say. On the opposite spectrum of that- guys, let your girls have a say and if there's things you can let go, let them go because she's probably been dreaming about this a lot longer than you have. 

3. Compromise, compromise, compromise 

There is a 99.99% chance that when you sit down and compare lists, they won't be exactly the same. Alex hadn't really heard of washing of the feet idea (during the ceremony), but saw how important it was to me and agreed to it. Alex really wanted to write and read our own vows during the ceremony- something I wasn't too particular about so I agreed to that. We both agreed that a pretty location was important to us, so that really played into our decision of the venue. 

They say that marriage is about compromising, and that is 100% true. You can start practicing compromise when you're planning your wedding. 

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Setting priorities was a VITAL step in planning our wedding. It helped us determine where to spend more money (thus helping keep us within our budget), it helped keep us focused, and it kept me from being a bridezilla (more on that next week!) I will say that Alex was a very easy going groom and cared about a couple of things and let me do things my own way the rest of the wedding. If your fiance doesn't want to sit down and make a list of priorities with you, then I would tell him that he doesn't have a right to complain about something he doesn't like later on. If there's something you or your significant other care about in regards your wedding, you need to state that clearly. Setting clear expectations from the beginning will save you a lot of arguments and turmoil down the road. 

That being said, go out and set your priorities! Happy wedding planning! 

Do you think you'll be able to pick a top three priorities in your wedding? All you marrieds out there- did you set priorities when you planned your wedding?