I must say that some of my favorite blog posts are when you bloggers invite me into your space for coffee. So today, I'm going to do the same. We'll meet at the local Starbucks because, as you know, I'm not huge into coffee and I'm not up on the local coffee scene. You'll order a drink so strong that it would make me gag, and I'll order something that is more sugar than coffee. We sit down in a quiet corner, settle into our chairs, and lean into chat over Norah Jones playing in the background.
We would start by talking about the weather. I would tell you how much I am loving the sunshine and summer. It started off really rainy, and you'll smile because you know how much I need sunshine for my soul. I'll tell you how a couple weeks ago I vowed to Alex that never ever would we move to the Pacific Northwest even if we were promised salaries of a million dollars... I just couldn't handle it.
Speaking of Alex, we would chat about how Alex is finally out of school for the first time in 22 years, and for the first time since we've known each other we are both out of school. I would share my joy with you, but also share with you that the transition has been difficult. For the past two years I have spent the greater part of four days by myself each week. Now, Alex is around those four days and it has been wonderful and hard at the same time. You know that I'm the type to need to be by myself in order to recharge, and I share with you that Alex and I are trying to navigate what our new normal will look like. We need to learn how to give each other space which isn't always the easiest thing when you live in 600 square feet.
I'll ask you how things are going with your boy- have you had to adjust to a new normal too? You tell me that I'm not alone in this adjustment and that it will just take time. You share with me the latest date you two had and we'll both express our gratitude for our men and the blessing they are in our lives.
{Or maybe you share with me how you are still single and how you're scared you're going to be an old maid. You know that I once echoed that same fear and that God answered my prayers. Once again, I won't know what to say because I know it's hard and I know that God will work things out in his time. I also know that me telling you these things is super un-helpful especially because I'm already married. I might suggest something crazy to you like online dating, or coming with Alex and I to country western dance on Saturday night. I might make you laugh and I'll promise that I'll pray for your heart, and even though you know I mean well, I know it won't ease the burden of being single}.
I'll tell you that I'm finally comfortable at my job. After almost two years working in the hospital, I now feel as though I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I've learned to trust my gut, and I know that I will be able to handle even the hardest of patients or families. And if I can't, I know there will be someone to help me. You'll be relieved to hear that I'm no longer anxious each time I go into a shift, and work is just now work instead of my biggest worry.
And then finally, we dig deep. We talk about our dreams, hopes, and fears. I share with you how I've applied to graduate school to become a nurse practitioner. This may be the first time that you've heard of this, but it won't surprise you as I remind you that becoming a nurse practitioner has been my dream since I was 15 years old. But what will surprise you is that I'm having second thoughts about this dream; I'm wondering if my dream is really in line with God's plans for me. I've wanted it for so long and yet I wonder if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons (better pay and better hours). I'm scared that it won't be worth the time and money and potential debt Alex and I will incur. I'm scared that it won't matter because what I really want to do is be a Mom. I'm scared that I'll find myself with another degree in three years, still not in a house, still childless, and wishing that I had done things differently. I'll ask for you to pray for me, that the Lord gives me the wisdom to make the right decision.
Then I'll share with you a couple more things that you may or may not already know. I'll tell you how I think about adoption and my future kids almost every day, how I sometimes wish my life wasn't so full of change, and how sometimes I wonder if Alex and I are truly following in the will of God.
I guess you could say it's a season of settling in while simultaneously preparing for change. I feel at peace, overwhelmed, and excited- sometimes all at the same time. There are days when I handle it all really well, and other days when darkness presses in like you wouldn't believe.
I'll apologize for talking so long, like I always do and you'll just laugh because you know that's how I am. You know that I'll spend as long as I need to listening to you, and I do. Hours later, our coffee is long gone, we look at the clock realizing that we should probably get home. We hug and promise to do it again soon.
{Please share your coffee date thoughts with me below in the comments!}
